This was the phone conversation that ensued between my mother and I earlier today:
Mum: Where are you?
Me: I’m visiting K in hospital.
Mum: …You’ve done it [overdosed] again?
Me: No! I’m visiting K! She was in an accident.
Mum: Why are you at hospital?
Me: K was in an accident and I’m visiting her!
Mum: K’s your friend?
Me: Yes.
Mum: Which hospital are you at?
Me: C’s (ie. Where I ended up twice in the ED after overdosing and where I was a psychiatric inpatient).
Mum: Okay…. *sounds doubtful*
Me: *Hangs up*
To be fair, I suppose my mum does have reason to automatically assume I was in hospital for overdosing. I have after all called her from hospital confessing I OD’d- twice last year. Yet, I was also somewhat irritated and quite indignant on the phone. Just because I said the word ‘hospital’ doesn’t mean I ended up on a hospital bed. It’s not me this time!
It’s nice to know this is what my mother expects out of me. Dear oh dear.
Behind the Façade 
I wish my mum cared about me like that.
Im with you hun. Although we know that their assumptions are justified, its still hurtfull are irritating when they jump to such conclusions. 😦
My mother likes to pretend nothing is happening, she would rather i was plunged into therapy, and she didnt have to know anything about it. She is less than understanding about the fact that its not as easy as ‘heres a psychologist, now get over all this crap’
It would be good if they could see into our heads, and see our progress instead of always seeing us as a liability.
I hope you are okay, and that your friend gets better. xxx
My mom has a tendency to jump to this conclusion as well. Or anytime I tell her I’m down she jumps to making sure I won’t do anything destructive, as if I’m going to automatically pick the most dramatic option available. I empathize with your annoyance completely.
My mom seems to think everytime I don’t feel well it’s because I haven’t been eating…and everytime something goes wrong…it’s because I am going insane and it’s my bpd. Everything is always bpd or my ED…
yeah…so I get it ( to a degree )
hang in there!!!
xoxo
-Lisa
http://www.coupdegrace88.blogspot.com
My mum would probably have said the same thing. She’s only looking out for you though lovely x
I still struggle with telling my parents about everything I have done. I am afraid of what they might say, or assume about me. However, as one of the previous commenters mentioned it would seem that your mom really cares about your well being. And although it does not seem like it at the moment, you are lucky to have a connection with her. But at the same time, I fully understand your reaction. It is hard to come to terms with life’s problems, and the fact that people make quick judgements can be very damaging to one’s psyche.
I hope your friend is alright and that everything works out for the best.
Stay Strong,
Dave.
In recovery from alcohol and drugs, we are told that other people are going to expect our old behavior, may even expect us to lie to cover up our old behavior, because of the patterns we have shown them for years and years. They will begin to believe us when we say we’ve changed after we’ve shown them a long period of stability, of changed behavior. In the meantime, all we can do is stick to our truth and be as patient and graceful as we can with the dissenters, the doubters, our family, our friends, and ourselves. The more patient and graceful, the shorter the time until acceptance and trust. This all makes sense for managing/recovering from mental illness, too. (Of course, unofficially, you also need people who are on your side and places where you can speak your mind and vent unedited, among friends and allies, on an anonymous blog. So you’re already on the right track, from my perspective). The most important thing is to hang in and keep some hope. Hopefully this is relevant and helpful.
yep! parents do that. I hope that your friend is ok and your parents start to believe in your recovery more. ❤ u
Ugh! Those assumptions are not helpful. But I think the key is not to internalize them. It’s exhausting and unhealthy for us to put our self-perception in the hands of others. I think so highly of you, Cassie. I know you can keep yourself well if that’s what you want to do.
Wishing you well,
NOS