Whilst chatting in our groups in my Health & Occupation class, a fellow student reported that she’s starting on prac next week. She revealed one of her placements is at P Clinic and proclaimed, “I don’t even know what it is.” “It’s a mental health clinic,” I informed her. My friend has been admitted there a number of times, and though that’s not where I was an inpatient in December 2010, the first psychiatrist I saw practised in the consulting rooms adjoining P Clinic.
This got me thinking. How extremely awkward would it be if I came crossed paths with a fellow OT student, with them on prac and me as a psychiatric patient? I didn’t come across any OT students in the psych ward last year, but that’s because I was there during Uni holidays, just days before Christmas. During Uni semesters however is a different story. Oh well, I doubt my chances of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital again are very large anyway. And I could always just avoid the OT activities. Because let’s face it, pinning sequins to foam baubles is an activity I could do without…and incidentally I did engage in that particular craft in class when I was in um, Year 4. I’d like to think my cognitive abilities have improved a little bit since then.
Speaking of being an OT student, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a health professional. Which is nothing new. But I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this four year degree. Readings, assignments, tests, exams, study, learning, writing, memorizing… Which requires attention, motivation, time, energy, concentration, ARGH. Furthermore, I can’t imagine ever becoming professional enough to BE a professional.
Oh yeah, and three weeks into the semester, socially inept me has not made many friends at all. This week; two out of two lectures I sat alone, two out of two labs I did sit with people, but only because the desks were arranged in groups, and only one tutorial did I actually have a friend to sit with. Oh, and between classes in my breaks I’m also all by my lonesome. Which is making the Uni experience really enjoyable.
Part of the problem is that I don’t feel I have anything interesting to add to the conversation, and I don’t think I have all that much in common with the people in my classes. You love going to music concerts? Cool…I’ve never been to any. But it’s partly my fault too. I’ve not been making all that much effort, it’s my third time being a first year Uni student and I’m a little bit over it. Then there’s the social insecurities. I can’t help thinking that they don’t want me there, I’m imposing on them, they think I’m a boring person who has nothing to say, etc etc. And so I find myself avoiding the situation altogether and keeping to myself much of the time.