Banned from blogging (but doing it anyway)

Well thank you to whoever reported me/my blog to the staff at this hospital. Not happy.

On Saturday night the registrar came to see me, and it was brought to my attention that they were concerned about what I post on the internet. I asked them to clarify for me what exactly it is I’m not supposed to be posting, as I have many accounts on social media and couldn’t be sure what they were referring to. I was told I’m not allowed to post about myself because “You’re under the Mental Health Act” and “We have a duty if care to protect your reputation.” I call bullshit. Protect my reputation? More like protect their reputation. It’s not like I even use my full name in association with this blog.

Sunday night nurses and security guards came into my room to search it again and that’s when I got angry and tried to take off. Unfortunately they caught up to me in the car park, I was again restrained, put in the seclusion room and sedated. Fun times. My hands are now all bruised from when I punched and hit the wall, and I was knocked out the whole of yesterday from the two shots of midazolam and 100mg of chlorpromazine I was given that night.

The consultant on my team is back from leave. Apparently I’m not meant to be blogging as my reports of being restrained and secluded can “give people the wrong impression of what happens here” and can perpetuate the stigma of mental health. “I don’t write anything that’s not true,” I shrugged.

A tentative discharge date has been planned for this Thursday, as well as a discharge meeting with my mum. The sooner I’m out of here, the better, I say.

22 thoughts on “Banned from blogging (but doing it anyway)

  1. That’s total bullshit. Maybe if you’d only just become acutely unwell and had all of a sudden started blogging using your full name or whatever, or you were using a professional blog to write about personal stuff, but you’ve been doing this a long time.
    I have heard of similar things happening in the UK, but not here. IMO, there is NOTHING wrong with expressing how you feel and writing about what you’re going through (especially if you don’t feel you can’t talk to the staff there, and god knows you can’t) and by attempting to stifle your voice they are just encouraging you to bottle things up.
    I know they’d be trying to cover their asses, but you’re just telling the truth, and I don’t see the problem with that. Keep on keeping on.

  2. When I was in hospital they knew I was writing a blog and they asked if they could see it. I was asked by the consultant and the nursing staff. I said no way. They said they just wanted to check that I wasn’t naming any of the patients on the ward etc etc etc. So I just told them that I am anonymous, I do not name the hospital, the trust or any other patients. They didn’t press it after that. So, I didn’t have to stop.

    What got me though was I only told a few of the staff what I did, yet some how the patient in the next room to me knew I blogged and she made threats to get in to my room and smash up my lap top. It did annoy me a little what the other staff had said to each other while other patients were around. Just tell them that you are not going to show them etc, but that they don’t need to worry as you are anonymous and don’t name the hospital or anything by name and that there is no way it can be worked out either.

  3. Your absolutely right about how you feel. If you don’t want medical help they should just leave you alone. Its your right to destroy the body god gave to you. If you don’t feed your body it dies. Its really that simple. Its your right to dismiss the heartache you inflict on your family and friends. I hope they discharge you soon to make room for a patient that really wants and needs the help. One thing comes to my mind when I read your blogs “selfishness”. You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you have done to help others lately and stop focusing on your body. Maybe you should ask yourself what you can do today to brighten the day of someone else. Your life and your body is a gift from God. We are all here to help and love one another….its that simple.

      • Some people prefer to judge others and tell them what to do, without even having met them in some cases, instead of looking at improving their own lives. It’s pretty sad. We’re all imperfect. I would rather try to have compassion. “Stop focusing on your body”? What an ignorant remark from someone who clearly doesn’t understand a thing about EDs. Like that’s going to help anything. What comes to mind when I read your blog is someone who is lonely, scared, lost and seemingly under attack from those who are meant to help.

        I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. You have the right of free speech. You have the right to blog if you want to (as long as you’re not harming others, e.g. naming other patients or the hospital). In fact, it could even be considered a useful part of your recovery, just like a journal or diary. I am sorry that everything that is yours is being taken away from you.

        I really hope that soon you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel in this situation. You won’t always be a victim of this illness. One day you WILL find some hope and strength and move beyond where you are today. I have faith in you anyway!

    • God shut up Michele, you sound like an imbecile. Clearly this poor girl can’t help anyone because she’s trapped against her will in a mental institution and has little contact with the outside world (other than this blog which is now being taken away from her). Have some compassion.

  4. i’ve been asked about blogging during my 2 main ED admissions. The day unit i attended how pretty strict rules around what could be posted on social media sites, which i do actually agree with-just things like not naming people, posting photos, naming staff/hospital etc. They asked me about my blog also, but were fine with it as long as i was not writing anything that glamourised the illness, gave any ‘tips’ or mentioning any names etc. i think this is pretty standard practise, and also – why would you! If blogging helps, keep going.

    glad they have spoken with you re discharge.

  5. I really hope you get out soon. I gained weight rapid quick because I’ve done my research and I know that being in hospitals is bullshit. They only care about themselves, their money, their reputation. They do not care about their patients. “give people the wrong impression” because they don’t want the truth getting out. I hope you get out soon and I hope you can get to a good place in your life.

  6. Haha this is so typical of the medical/psychiatric industry! They don’t care about helping you (or anyone) at all. They care primarily about 2 things: Money and their Reputation.

    The truth is these people are abusive toward you and other inpatients and they’re afraid that the word has gotten out how disgusting they truly are. If I were you I would gain wait quick just to get out of their. Then you can live your life as you please.

  7. Maureen if you’re going to be so judgemental and rude to others, I suggest you at least learn to spell.
    “If I were you I would gain wait quick just to get out of their. ”
    weight/wait, and there/their.
    I think someone needs to look in the mirror to see the true imbecile!

    • I am typing on my cell phone and that is why I often have grammatical/spelling errors – autocorrect often changes words (like underweight to underwear in one post). But thanks for proving you are too stupid to disagree with me on an intellectual level so you resort to criticizing my spelling instead.

      Furthermore I’m not the one who is judgmental – it is Michelle who left a nasty idiotic comment demanding that WillFindHope serve others when clearly she is locked in a mental institution unable to function normally in society. Clearly Michele is a moron and I’m guessing you are too. Have a nice day, imbecile.

  8. Maureen, wait/weight and their/there are not typo’s, they are incorrect uses of each word. If they were typos they would be like the “underwear/underweight” category. You just don’t know which word to use in each situation.
    I highly recommend reading the oatmeal (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling), he has put together some useful guides on the correct use of commonly misspelt/misused words.
    I agree attacking your spelling could be considered a “cheap shot”, but I guess the irony of you calling people “stupid” and an “imbecile”, while you struggle with the basics of grammar amuses me very much.
    As has been stated before by others, you appear to be a very angry young woman who has had negative expereinces with mental health professions. I suspect, much like many people with axis II problems.
    Michelle was trying to help, you may not agree with what she has to say, but attacking her and calling her names is not appropriate.
    Often people with mental illness are encouraged to look at the big picture. The nature of many mental illnesses causes the individual to become very introspective and self focussed. This is the impact of the illness on the individual, not necessarily due to the individual being “selfish”, although this is how it often comes across. This is why therapy is often conducted in groups and why there is a focus for people who are unable to engage with full time/paid employment are encouraged to undertake volunteer work, it gives the individual purpose, and an ability to engage with others who have similar problems and to have compassion for others as well as yourself.
    Michelle was also injecting some reality into the conversation, if you treat your body badly, you can’t expect anything positive in return. As Jack said, just because you don’t agree with what someone has to say, doesn’t mean that they aren’t trying to help.

  9. not sure I understand why maureen seems to be using this as a forum to fight with everyone instead of writing supportive comments anyway?!

    I hope you are still able to use your blog. if need be you could always make it private so the staff couldnt see it?

  10. Hey WFH. You know if the staff are reading your blog its going to be really hard to get help. They will use it against you. Reckon you need a fresh start. Sounds like they have given up and it comes back to risk management not actually treating the issues of why you keep ending up in hospital. It feels like a safe and nurturing environment I know, but all it is you get treated like a child and have your rights taken away. You deserve to be out of there and be nurtured by real people who actually care about you and not as a patient. This happens because somewhere along the line, the normal people developed emotions normally and ours got warped. We have no other way of coping with emotional pain than to cause our own pain and seek comfort from hospital staff. Going back to the hospital child environment does not make it better, it makes it worse. Break the cycle. If you can’t get into DBT get the green skills workbook by McKay and Wood. That has helped me immensely. Get a new psychologist you like and start fresh with a real commitment to recovery. No need to repeat history, it doesn’t matter you can’t change it. Just focus on the new. Don’t transfer your file and travel if you need to. If you don’t, its likely you will die as I’ve been reading your blog for some time and things are worse than ever. Dying does not end pain and I believe you will start the journey again in another life but will pay dearly for taking your own. You can get through this, graduate, and help people get through this because you have been inside it. You deserve to have a nice life its not your fault your coping mechanisms took a wrong turn, and you don’t know how to cope. You can go back and learn how though. It is possible if you can work out where things went wrong in your childhood. Help those people who see and know no other way. You can do it. My new mantra: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Your fellow borderline 🙂

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