I was reviewed by the doctors yesterday and as I was still not eating as much as they’d like, not drinking all of the Ensures and not gaining any weight, I was told I’d be made an involuntary patient under the Mental Health Act and they’d feed me through a nasogastric tube. Of course, upon hearing this news I was both upset and angry, and slammed my door on the way into my room.
When the nurse came to get me to get the tube put in, I refused. I remained sat on the bed crying. She tried convincing me to come to the treatment room to get it in, then after a while she went and said she’d have to consult with the team on what to do. A couple of people came in and tried to talk me into it, at that point I was sobbing heavily and feeling utterly powerless and terrified. They ended up restraining me to do it- I was moved from my bed into a chair, with a nurse on either side of me holding down my arms, a nurse at the back of me holding my head, while a fourth nurse inserted the NG tube up my nostril and down my throat. The sensation was awful, having a tube forcibly shoved inside you, while you scream yet you’re powerless to stop it. Having the tube in feels like you’re choking every time you swallow. I now also am being specialled on one to one nursing.
I was pretty out of it yesterday having twice been given 1mg lorazepam as well as my usual Seroquel. Unfortunately that resulted in the NG tube coming out sometime during the night, without my intending to do so. I don’t even know how it happened- whether it came out accidentally, whether I pulled it out in my state of semi consciousness… But it means I’m going to have to go through the pain of having the NG tube put in again, as if once wasn’t bad enough. 😦