I could feel depression enveloping me last week in its blackness and bleakness. What was frustrating was I had no idea why. If I knew, at least I could understand and perhaps try to fix it. As it was though, nothing particular had happened. I just felt low, tired and unmotivated. I hypothesized maybe it’s because Uni is looming closer and closer. Why is it I’m feeling better this week though when the commencement of Uni is even closer still?
I had an appointment with D on Wednesday. He asked me how my mood has been and whether I had self harmed. I reported I felt okay and had not self harmed this week, though I had last week when I wasn’t feeling so great. He said that when one felt low it’s usually something that has happened to cause it. That’s the thing though. There was nothing I could point my finger to and say, “Aha, that’s the reason why.”
It only came to me today whilst I was daydreaming on the bus. It was so simple I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realised this sooner. Or maybe I can believe it, after all, I’m still surprised and a bit doubtful that 50mg can make that much of a difference.
My GP was away for the whole of last week. She told me on Monday when I saw her that she had gone to Vietnam. Unfortunately last week was when I needed to see her to get my prescription for a month’s worth of Pristiq. I resorted to taking 150mg instead of my usual 200mg for a whole week, even so, by the time my appointment rolled around I only had three 100mg tablets left.
It’s made me realise that the Pristiq perhaps is working. I wasn’t sure before. I learnt, yet again, messing with your meds is not a good idea. Though I wouldn’t have if I’d had enough in the first place. I also learnt that when you’re directed to swallow the tablets whole and not split or chew them, there’s probably a really good reason why. Ha, who could’ve known…
Now I’m torn as to what to say at my upcoming psychiatrist appointment. Do I say the Pristiq is to some extent working and I want to stay on it? But then, what would be the point of attending a psychiatrist appointment? May as well just keep collecting the same scripts from my GP.