Still in the psych ward

Where was I when I wrote my last post? Ahh yes, sick of hospital and wanting to go home. This time a week ago I fully expected to be discharged within that week. Yet I’m typing this whilst sitting on a hospital bed behind my curtained cubicle.

I fear home may be harder than I initially thought. On my overnight leave last weekend, I spent much of the time in tears, with thoughts of ‘It’s too hard’ and ‘I can’t do this.’ My thoughts turned to overdosing, but the thought of how much of a fail it would be if I did that the one night I was at home stopped me. So where does that leave me I wonder? Sick of being in hospital, yet can’t cope if I’m at home.

On Monday I met with the consultant. Being only the second time meeting with him, he’s not yet someone I’m comfortable with. I was dismayed to find the registrar, whom I was at least somewhat comfortable with, was only a replacement and had left. Instead, I found myself with the regular registrar now on my treating team, someone who I hadn’t met before. “I’ll see you next week WFH,” the consultant told me at the close of the ward round. “Err…next week??” I replied uncertainly. He then told me they want to make sure I see a psychologist once I’m discharged from hospital and that they’d discuss my discharge at the big ward round on Wednesday. I have my reservations about seeing a psychologist again after beginning and ending with three already, but it seems that’s the only solution people have for me. The result of the ward round on Wednesday? I asked my nurse and it is apparently written in my notes, “Estimated discharge date: 1 week?” So I don’t have a certain day I’m going home as of yet.

I recall in May at my last admission to the private psych clinic, my psychiatrist had commented, “Public hospitals don’t tend to keep you for very long.” Based on my first admission to a public hospital which was only for three days, I thought she was right. Yet on Sunday I will have been here for three weeks, which is plenty long enough. In this twenty person ward, there are five others who have been here longer than me. And my nurse was telling me last Sunday that the longest stay she’s encountered while here was four months. Goodness, how do they tolerate that?!

9 thoughts on “Still in the psych ward

  1. Sorry you’re still in hospital. Hospital sucks but sometimes home sucks more. I really hope they can put a decent support package in place for you so you can go home and be safe.

    • I agree with this, it’s so important to have decent support when you do come out. Also, four months is probably about average on the ward I was on, so that’s surprising to me! there were people that had been there for two years, I honestly don’t know how they did it. Take care lovely x

  2. Aw hun. That suuucks. specially if you are not sure things are even improving. Going home is always difficult, but its one of those hurdles you just have to get though. All part of the journey love…Once you have done it, you can get on with adjusting.

    Im so sorry you are struggling. You are such an amazing inspiration, and you are so capable of using your experiences for good. But not until you are ready.

    I really hope everything gets easier for you, and soon! xxxxxx

  3. So sorry to hear you are still in hospital, but on the positive side it seems like they’re planning & putting a good package together for you so that you will be supported in going home. Take care of yourself, I hope that this week passes quickly for you xx

  4. On the acute wards at the mental hospital here I’ve heard of stays up to 6-8 months long, or longer… and of course stays on chronic wards can last years, or sometimes the person’s entire life.

    But the last time I was in hospital (general hosp psych ward) I was there for about two and a half weeks, and for my issue (at the time it was for the ED) that was a really short stay, actually. I spent three weeks in hosp altogether, however, as I was in short stay at the mental hospital for a weekend first.

  5. In my on experience they chuck you out pretty quick in the public hospitals unless you are really unwell. They are obviously worried about you and that’s a good thing, however annoying it may feel being stuck in there. You are lucky though because my public hospital I can’t have a laptop or a phone, so thank god I don’t go there anymore. Be safe!
    *hugs*
    Sarah

  6. Sorry you’re in the hospital. I’ve been there and done that 7 times. But I never stayed 3 weeks, so I can’t imagine what you must be going thru. I’ve just prayed for you. God bless.

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