I think I may have suddenly and unceremoniously concluded with my psychologist today.
Last session with her was three weeks ago. We usually schedule appointments at the end, but at the close of this particular session, she asked me when I wanted to come in next. I ummed and ahhed and shrugged and said I didn’t know. She then suggested thinking about it and phoning or texting her. I shook my head no, knowing that would be the end of therapy with her if I took that option. We then decided on three weeks later. That was meant to be this Saturday, but I have a genuine reason for cancelling. So I picked up my mobile, texting her with ‘Hi R, I’m not able to make it for the appointment this Saturday so I’d like to cancel please. -WFH.’ I received a text back from her saying ‘No worries WFH.’ …And that’s it.
So where to from here? Well I’m not planning on contacting her to schedule an appointment. And I’m pretty sure neither is she. So um, goodbye R?
A part of me is relieved I guess. The past several weeks I had begun to think of ways to end therapy with her. I’ve been finding therapy useless, and similar to my previous psychologist, I’m not really feeling a connection. This makes it somewhat easier for me.
It also makes me a little uneasy. I’ve generally been going okay, besides the odd bad day here and there. But what if things do go downhill? I’m only seeing Dr T, my psychiatrist, once every few months. That’s it. So in the case of a crisis, I have erm, no one.
That being said, I refuse to go back to therapy. I’ve had enough of it. Three different psychologists in the past three years and I’ve gotten no where. I’m not doing it again. I’m not going to try someone new. Especially not with the cuts to Better Access, with our sessions restricted to ten per year. It’s far too frustrating. Having to retell your story all over again. Having to start a whole new relationship again. Having to start from scratch again. I suspect Dr T may have something to say about this, as she’s always been quite firm in her recommendation that I attend regular therapy. Well that’s just too bad because I refuse. Therapy, I quit.