I made a sandwich this evening in preparation for my 10am-5pm day at uni tomorrow. ‘Err yes, and….?’ I imagine you thinking. Sandwich making, after all, is not really all that newsworthy. Except that, for the past couple of years, I haven’t been able to bring myself to do so. It’s either been salad or nothing, for the fear of consuming the calories and carbs contained in bread and as a consequence gaining weight. I have memories from the first year of uni, sitting with friends and simply watching as they consumed lunch. “Aren’t you hungry?!” they’d exclaim. “No, not really,” I’d shrug, lying to them.
This year I once again brought nothing to uni most days with the intention of using it as a opportunity to not eat. I resisted making lunch myself beforehand thinking, “Maybe if I don’t bring food, I’ll be less tempted to eat or spend money on it.” Despite my intentions, I’d get hungry. As you do, attending classes and studying at uni. So I bought food. An improvement on the days where I’d ignore the hunger and deny myself the sustenance. The problem with this is that food at uni is expensive. Five dollars for a sandwich?! I can make the same at home for less than half the price. No scratch that, I can make the same at home for free seeing as my mother purchases the groceries. 😉
It’s taken over two years, but I’ve finally realised that going from 9am to 6pm without food does not provide adequate nourishment, nor does it set me up to function the best I can in class when all I’m thinking about is how hungry I am. More recently, it’s also been learnt that attempting to remove that temptation of food by not bringing lunch does not work, and I will only end up spending unnecessary funds. Yes I am a cheapo who is rather indignant that they’re charging poor uni students so much for just a sandwich.
It’s just chicken, avocado, lettuce and a bit of mayo slapped between two slices of wholemeal bread, but I think it represents progress, even if I do still occasionally struggle with other ED behaviours.