Life scares me

How do people do it? How do people progress through life with such competence and confidence? Or are they just talented actors, able to hide their fears and their doubts? Sometimes it feels as though everyone is equipped with the tools to deal with the challenges life throws at them, except me.

I was talking to a friend last night who’s been here in Australia for five months on exchange from the US. Another wants to move to Canada for further studies after she completes high school despite knowing no one there. How do they find the courage to do that? And it doesn’t even take such major changes to terrify me. Even the little things can start to invoke waves of anxiety and fear. Contacting someone through email or phone. Asking for assistance. Entering unfamiliar situations. Having to learn new things and complete tests and assignments. Asking questions and speaking my opinion. Starting and maintaining conversations with people.  All in the comfort of the place I grew up in.

Semester one of uni has come to a close and the new semester starts in July. Already I’m feeling the nerves. Having to walk into new classes, learn new material, complete all the work and study requires, starting fieldwork…

So how do I survive life when every little thing scares me and prompts me to want to run back into the hidey-hole that is my room? I wish I had the ability and confidence I perceive everyone else to posses instead of being a shy, timid and awkward coward.

16 thoughts on “Life scares me

  1. “Courage is when you’re afraid, but you keep on moving any way, Courage is when you’re in pain, but you keep on living anyway”.

    Even though you feel scared doesn’t mean you’re incompetent. You’re completely capable of doing all of these things, don’t let the anxiety hold you back.

    I know what you mean though, I’m so scared of everything I wonder how I’m supposed to get through anything that I try to do and struggle my way through while every one else seems to cruise along, no worries at all!

    Hold your head high, and when it comes to confidence? Fake it till you make it! You’re a strong young lady, don’t forget that!

  2. You have more bravery, more strength and more competence than any of those people can comprehend. Because you find it so much more difficult, and yet you are still here, you have managed through uni etc despite everything. You are NOT a coward btf. No way. And you shouldn’t feel that way. Look at how brave you are! You put your struggles and weaknesses out there in words. That’s so very brave. I think you are all the more fantastic, because it is such a massive struggle with all the anxiety etc, and yet even if you find it near impossible, you get there in the end. The important thing is what you have managed, coped with and achieved. I know how difficult holding down studies and work are when you feel its a full time job just breathing everyday, and you are strong, brave and amazing for keeping going. Don’t beat yourself up. Xxxx

  3. I wish I have more to offer you, but all I can say is that I completely understand & relate to every single word of this post. I wish you so much luck, and let others have said we just have to keep gong and move forward.

  4. I don’t know how some people manage to do such brave things. But I do know that YOU are brave! You’ve had to deal with things that most people have not had to deal with, and somehow you’re still around. Give yourself some credit for the things you have accomplished. A semester at uni is a big deal, I know.

    Wishing you well,

  5. I wish I could say something to help, but I guess when I feel like this I look at what I’ve done so far: I have got this far in life and have not been thrown anything I actually haven’t been able to handle. We are stronger than we think.

  6. I could’ve written this myself. In fact I believe I have many journal pages scrawled with the exact same ‘How does everyone DO this stuff?!’ sentiment. I have been through lots of periods of feeling like everyone else had the exact same doubts, fears, worries, but were somehow able to deal with them so easily. My GP said some interesting stuff about it on Tuesday actually, about how at some point I’ll get a little better and realise that some people just get up in the morning and get on with it without struggling or being unable to actually do anything. And she’s right, all those people who go out every weekend and meet new people and just do what they feel like, they wouldn’t be doing it if inside they were freaking out and really just wanted to have a lie down.
    Two years ago I would’ve laughed at the idea that I would even apply for uni, let alone be doing it. I’m sure you’ve felt the same. It may take a ridiculous amount of energy and perseverance and crazy hard work to get to the same point that others do, but you have the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve gone against the odds to get there. (Well, I say that, and I assume it’s true, though at the moment I just want a few months of rest, maybe THEN I’ll feel accomplished 😛 )

  7. I don’t know how they all do it, I feel the same way. I do know what I do – I take microsteps, one at a time and don’t look at the big picture. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I run away and hide. Just keep trying and give yourself a break. I really like what katieinwonderland said “You have more bravery, more strength and more competence than any of those people can comprehend.” Remember that.

  8. Sorry you’re having a hard time.

    I learned in therapy that the first rule of therapy is not to compare yourself to others and in general something us human beings need to try and stay away from. We’re all good at some things whilst not so good at other things and we’ve all got things to work on.

    I look forward to reading your future posts.

    All the best,

    The Quiet Borderline

  9. “How do people do it? How do people progress through life with such competence and confidence? Or are they just talented actors, able to hide their fears and their doubts? Sometimes it feels as though everyone is equipped with the tools to deal with the challenges life throws at them, except me.”

    This is exactly what I feel. Exactly.

  10. I also have always felt like that. My exact thoughts. Only I cannot even make a small step, I;m so afraid.
    “How do people do it? How do people progress through life with such competence and confidence? Or are they just talented actors, able to hide their fears and their doubts? Sometimes it feels as though everyone is equipped with the tools to deal with the challenges life throws at them, except me.”

  11. I too understand and relate to you. Although years have past since you wrote this I find myself searching to find something that clicks with me. I must say death to me is not final, its that you move on, we are energy and it cannot be destroyed. My belief system is that reincarnation is part of the journey of the soul. SO where I am at now I just don’t want to come back and deal with unresolved issues such as taking one’s life. I think it takes guts to kill yourself instantly. People forget that we do die and it could be from an accident tomorrow I leave this planet. but when I look around at others I see how they cope the mechanisms are in slow mo so to speak. Take for instance someone who eats and eats and is obese, they usually are doing it to mask pain, emotionally eating. Take someone who drinks, an alcoholic, slow death but they too are masking pain, drugs, you name it. People who are so unhappy and I see many is that they cope by doing things that give them instant gratification daily. They use people as a coping mechanism. I mean the list goes on and if you take away all things such as the booze, the pills the fattening food, others who they need to fill a void what would happen. I mean people always seek outside themselves to fell better. What would the world look like. so how do they do it. That’s how. its just many and I mean many are functional, many are not. What keeps me from jumping off the edge is the feeling that I would have to do it all over again to learn what it is I need to do in order to feel better. I have people who care about me probably more than I deserve but I still feel worthless and I don’t trust people. There is not a day goes by I don’t want to just end it all but I will look or the Universe I should say will show me something to give me hope. Its’ usually something so subtle as seeing a hummingbird or a preying mantis looking straight at me. I don’t know its always something grabbing my attention away from my thoughts of taking a long break. I just wish I had the answer to what it is I need to do….to take the pain away. I truly hope you are still here and I wish you love and thoughts of healing as with many who are like us.

  12. I don’t trust people either. What I fear most in life (other than losing people I love) is people. They can be unpredictable, dangerous and insane and some try to hurt and attack you emotionally to try and damage your soul. I also fear becoming homeless. I know I probably never will be but it is a frightening thought you try and protect yourself from. Every Sunday I like to be alone in my room in order to prevent other people from draining my energy in any way so that I can deal with the Monday and having to go to work and deal with …people. Life is tough that is true but it can also be enjoyable and amazing. I think the main thing you need to do is stay on good terms with people and keep your soul pure, evil is not an option. I don’t understand why anyone would want ugliness and hurtfulness to be a part of their life. Be good to others but If you have to stand up and fight for yourself if you get attacked you will have to be strong and just fight like you would for your own child. Having a child must be amazing but when I feel what I feel about this world I think it’s not what it used to be when I was growing up so I’d cause myself too much stress because I don’t want any new soul to be subjected to the bad side of the world and the state it is in now. What if it gets worse. I wonder if a baby in fact is a “new” soul or whether all souls exist somewhere somehow already and that a body is just place the soul uses in the physical world. Anyways, hope you are happy now. Peace.

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