I’m not quite sure where to go from here. When less than a week since being discharged from hospital I’m back to where I started. Back to thinking that suicide is the only viable solution. Maybe not today, but someday. Life seems meaningless and I just can’t find a reason to hold on.
I spent three weeks as an inpatient and there’s been minimal improvement. Hospital is generally the final option offered when one is in a crisis, and when that doesn’t work, then what’s next? It feels a bit hopeless when there’s nothing left.
It’s been a month since I last saw my psychologist and I have an appointment with her on Saturday. The previous two visits, I spent the session crying with despair in her office. I don’t really want to go in having to confess I’m feeling somewhat the same a month later and hospital has done me no good. Spending the third session in a row in tears would really put me up there on the patheticness scale.