Tuesday has come and gone, and I’ve still not received any phone calls or text messages. That clearly helps to ease how alone, depressed, hopeless and unsupported I’ve been feeling. Don’t know why I even bother. If I’m going to be left as stranded with support as without, might as well go without. It’d save me a lot of money too. Not that keen on going to hospital right now anyway. Participating in groups and working towards getting better requires energy and motivation. Don’t have that right now. Can’t be screwed any more. Burying myself under the covers, wasting the day, wishing the world away sounds much more appealing.
Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. I mean; my parents are a four hour plane trip away, I don’t have any friends at Uni who would miss me if I don’t turn up, I don’t see my psychologist for the whole of this month, and I don’t have an appointment with my psychiatrist until the very end of May. It almost seems foolish to waste such a good opportunity…
Even killing oneself requires some energy.