Shame to waste such a good opportunity…

Tuesday has come and gone, and I’ve still not received any phone calls or text messages. That clearly helps to ease how alone, depressed, hopeless and unsupported I’ve been feeling. Don’t know why I even bother. If I’m going to be left as stranded with support as without, might as well go without. It’d save me a lot of money too. Not that keen on going to hospital right now anyway. Participating in groups and working towards getting better requires energy and motivation. Don’t have that right now. Can’t be screwed any more. Burying myself under the covers, wasting the day, wishing the world away sounds much more appealing.

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. I mean; my parents are a four hour plane trip away, I don’t have any friends at Uni who would miss me if I don’t turn up, I don’t see my psychologist for the whole of this month, and I don’t have an appointment with my psychiatrist until the very end of May. It almost seems foolish to waste such a good opportunity…

Huh.

I wish.

Even killing oneself requires some energy.

10 thoughts on “Shame to waste such a good opportunity…

  1. hearing you hon. same place, same time. can you get some pharma help to get you through? (I’m off to hospital right now- hopefully for some pills & not to be interred) (deliberate use of word!)

    good luck!

  2. Like urban, I’m in the exact same place right now. Doing the exact same thing. That’s three of us at least. Hypothetically, we’ll all just do it together. The energy will come. It can’t stay this way forever. It never does. Keep believing. Because life never stays the same forever. Things change. And they will change for you. I hope its soon hun. Xxxx

  3. Don’t let anything bring you down! You got this! You can always email me and I got you! Please don’t bring yourself down =(

  4. i did comment earlier, but i must have forgotten to click post! 😦 Im in the same place hun. Its shit, but try to remember that life cant stay the same for long.
    its IMPOSSIBLE. Things will always keep changing. Lets just hope it changes for you and I soon, and lets hope its a better change.
    Thinking of you xxxx

  5. I, and we, would miss you VERY much.
    You are SO loved, and cherished. You are an amazing person, friend, advocate and I’m sure many many other things.

    Take care chick, xo

  6. the trouble is, you have to WANT things to change. it took me years to really understand this. cps theres wanting to feel better, and then theres wanting to TRY to get better. its a bitch. and im not trying to be harsh, not in the slightest-heck i feel like you every other day or so. and im here for you, and im thinking of you. but with the best will in the world, people cant MAKE you better from this, they can just present you with the options.

    my old cpn once told me this quote ‘if it wernt for suicide, id be dead by now’. think about it, its totally true. your right-i think half the reason im still alive is that killing onself takes a lot of planning and energy. \

    motivation is a bitch though. i find that the morei do, the morei feel able to do, but its the kick start i find hard. try and set yourself a teeny goal for the day, repeat it for a few days and build on it. also dont sleep in, trust me, it makes it worse!!

    you might not see it cass, but you DO have motivation, and a heck of a lot of other good qualities. You got yoursefl in uni again, so you have focus and drive, and are obviuolsy determined. You can do this.

    the uni thing-im in my third term of this year now, and i have only just made some friends, and found some people i feel comfortable with. abd actually, last term, when i had time of, everyone did notice, because people i didnt even know very well at all were asking after me. i think its just the way things can be perceived by yourself-i thought no one even noticed i existed, but they did, and now im finding my feet a little. it doesnt matter that its taken a while. and hey, lots of young people at uni cant deal with alone time at any cost, so your ahead of the game on that.

    the more ok with yourself you get, the more things like friedns fall into place.

    lifes a bitch.i get it, i honestly do. id jump off a bridge right now, if i didnt have to go look for one. lol.

    lots of love xxxx

  7. BtF,

    As some of the other comments said try not to let this get to you. But I know that is easier said then done, I struggle with the exact same problem. I check my phone constantly, then get depressed when no one calls, or texts or messages me through Facebook. When I start feeling depressed because of the loneliness, I have found trashy reality TV, video games and cartoons definitely help. Or at least some type activity that will keep my mind occupied.

    I hope you are feeling better, we are all here for you 🙂

    Dave.

  8. babe wish I had seen this earlier!! I just read your tweets.. 😦 So sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time again. They need to admit you for a few weeks hon. They need to give you a chance to recover.

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