10 thoughts on “Desperate

  1. Do hang on till your appointment tomorrow 😦 Let your psychologist know what’s being going on and how you’ve been feeling recently – write them down if that’ll help. I usually forget things and become speechless during appt.
    I hope she’ll be able to contact your doctor to discuss what she suggested regarding hospitalisation.

    DM me on Twitter if you ever feel like talking, yeah?

  2. “And then after that? I don’t know what I’ll do.”

    I’m going to let you know what I do. Choose to listen or ignore, I don’t mind. But, BtF, please do what it takes to keep yourself safe.

    When one day feels like too much to manage, I break it down into smaller chunks – morning, afternoon and evening. I then draw the day out on a piece of paper and attempt to fill the gaps. I don’t think it matters what you do, it’s simply about filling the time. Drawing, painting, origami, knitting, going for a walk, listening to music and meditation are all things I have tried recently. (I suggest you don’t try to do them all at the same time!) Don’t worry if you can’t do those things for more than a few minutes. Simply move on to the next thing.

    I realise that when, as you say, there’s only that sense of desperation, the idea of [insert wanky patronising distraction] is the most ridiculous thing in the whole entire world. So, if things become unmanageable, please reach out.

    Stay safe, yes?

    LittleFeet

  3. I’m glad you’re pushing through until your appointment and you have that focus. Maybe you could tell your therapist as much as a jumping off point? I hope she has some explanations. (((((BtF))))

  4. Ollie made such a good point. I tend to go speechless and not say all the things I mean to, which leaves me even more desperate. Maybe you could do that, write them down like ollie suggested? Perhaps that will make you feel more in control, and more pro-active. And I LOVES little feet’s comment. What amazing advice. I really LOVED it.have you tried that? There’s a big list of distractions on my blog somewhere you could try. Come on Btf. Beat this. Don’t lie down and take it. You are amazing. Look at how talented you are. You’ve probably helped lots of people already with your writing, without even knowing it. You could do so much good for others suffering like you. What a waste it would be if you wernt here. All the people you might have helped in the future, either with your writing. Or just a talk or advice, or explaining what you have been through…what will happen to them if you are gone? Get your fight back. You can do this. There’s more for you, you need to be here to see it come together. Xxx

  5. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, BtF. And right after you had such a good, life-affirming time with your friends! (Although, for myself, that wouldn’t be surprising–I tend to turn positive feelings into sharp contrasts that make the bad seem so much worse later, typically when I’m alone. Do you think it works that way for you?) LittleFeet’s behavioral strategies are useful. They won’t fix anything right away (nothing does, though a few things seem to), but they will allow you to trudge on through until you can perhaps get some deeper help. You’re so brave for holding up this far! I’m really proud of you, and you inspire me to push through too.

  6. Hope you are feeling a little better and I’m glad you have the psychologist appointment. Try and hang on, I know it’s hard though when you feel so bad you feel you are going to explode. Be safe!
    *hugs*
    Sarah

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