Is it worth it?

And just when I decide that dying is the best option, my friends will remind me what it feels to be alive. Dinner out, followed by games on the Wii upon trooping back to my house. Most fun I’ve had in weeks. Or even months? Rounds of Wii Sports, Mario Kart and Super Mario had us in fits of laughter.

So is it worth it? Days upon days of gloominess, punctuated by those rare moments of happiness?

As I’m left again to my own devices, the silence is all the more deafening, as I ponder what I’ve been missing out on.

8 thoughts on “Is it worth it?

  1. When I am deep depressed I can only think a couple steps ahead – literally.

    I take long walks, and fix my attention to a plant, a door, a mark on the pavement, a little bit ahead, and say “I would not/need not to take any important decision until I reach that palm” (or what ever). Surely you can imagine what “important decision” I was thinking about.

    Obviously, I haven’t taken yet, and every time I feel the urge to, I walk, I just start to walk again. Walk through the gloomy and sticky air, fixing my mind in the next corner.

    I’m trying no to make sense, that’s the trick.

  2. I think it can be worth it, yeah. Self-deletion should only ever be a very last resort. Friends, when they ‘work’, make things better.

    And you deserve better.

    Sorry, that sounds as patronising as fuck. But I know what it’s like to be at the lowest possible ebb, and to emerge from it. You deserve that too, I promise.

    Pan xxx

  3. it’s worth it. you will get through this & life will be good. take it a day at a time. i know that means nothing when you feel like you don’t want to be here, but i try to hold onto it in my darkest moments. keep swimming.

  4. Whether or not I like the idea of being around others, sometimes my only link to sanity is when friends or family (usually my daughter) forces me to step outside the shadows, interrupting my melancholia with something. Fun? Interesting? Different? Anything but the same old depressive shit.

    In other words, enjoy the fuck out of those distractions, as much as you possibly can, to give yourself energy to make it through the next shitty time.

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