I’ve been receiving a number of search terms with variations on ‘self harm documentary,’ especally today where the number totalled ten. This coincides with SBS’s screening of The Silent Epidemic this evening, a documentary created in Australia on the very topic of self harm. So for those of you who want to ‘watch self harm documentry online’ as you had typed into Google, now you can! Well, if you live in Australia anyway. Link to the video here.
I was in tears watching parts of it. I could relate to some of what the young people featured on the show said so well.
It is said that people who self harm are nine times more likely to attempt suicide. What the young people had to say about this;
“Wanting to feel better and wanting everything to go away, pretty much what it comes down to.”
“Someone can do it for so long and not get the help they needed so they think that it’s game over. I want to do it now. I’ve screamed out, I’ve bled and no one cares. I musn’t be wanted.”
The second comment hit a raw nerve with me. Oh how much I craved for someone to notice and care, the five years I spent struggling alone with it during high school. At the same time I was terrified at the possibility of my secret being found out.
It’s interesting that as an experiment with one girl who struggles with self harm, she undertakes an eight week program in meditation/mindfulness. The professionals’ hypothesis: it can change your brain so that the side which contributes to happiness (left? right? *shrugs*) becomes more active and you therefore find it easier to tackle self harm. At the end of it, an EEG proves their hypothesis right, and she does report being happier. Hmm… While I’m glad for her that mindfulness has been useful, I doubt it’s for everyone. One of the comments she makes while fighting the want to self harm really resounded with me though:
“Sometimes you just go there. No matter how long you’ve been fighting it. There are times where…you’re just really not in the mood to fight. You’re just tired.”
How many times I’ve felt the exact same way…
It’s hard to reflect back on my own self harm and realise I’m fast approaching the seventh year of utilizing it as a way to cope.