I guess I’m not sick enough, was never sick enough. Not sick enough to require seeing my psychologist more than once every 4-6 weeks. Not sick enough to have ever lost enough weight to require concern or hospitalisation- a BMI of 15.5 was never low enough. Not sick enough so that when I end up with a drip in my arm following an overdose I require an inpatient stay- even when some of my friends do simply because they were ‘self harming more’ or to ‘give them a break.’
Well that’s just fine. Seeing as I’m not all that sick, I guess I don’t need medication. Medication that doesn’t seem to do all that much for me anyway.
Yes, I know what the number 9 C&A label stuck on my box of antidepressants say. ‘DO NOT STOP TAKING THIS MEDICINE ABRUPTLY unless ottherwise advised by your doctor.’ I suppose the capitalisation is aimed at highlighting the importance of not ceasing it yourself. But that’s okay, I’m sure this piece of advice is aimed at those taking the medication because they are sick and have their illness taken seriously. Not me.
Today marks day two of not taking the Lexapro as prescribed. Prior to this, in the past four months, I have been little miss compliant, not even missing a dose once. Physically, I feel much as I did when starting the Lexapro- as if I have a mild case of the flu. According to the Consumer Medicine Information leaflet, ‘Lexapro is not addictive.’ Therefore my logic is this- I should be able to stop taking the medication cold turkey, no probs.
And while I’m at it, maybe I should stop seeing my psychiatrist and my psychologist too. If I’m not taking medication, I don’t need a psychiatrist. If I don’t have anything to talk about with my psychologist, there’s no point seeing her either. One counsellor, two psychologists later and I’m still no better than when I started. Maybe I should just give up on all psychiatric and psychological help.