Not taking my Lexapro

I guess I’m not sick enough, was never sick enough. Not sick enough to require seeing my psychologist more than once every 4-6 weeks. Not sick enough to have ever lost enough weight to require concern or hospitalisation- a BMI of 15.5 was never low enough. Not sick enough so that when I end up with a drip in my arm following an overdose I require an inpatient stay- even when some of my friends do simply because they were ‘self harming more’ or to ‘give them a break.’

Well that’s just fine. Seeing as I’m not all that sick, I guess I don’t need medication. Medication that doesn’t seem to do all that much for me anyway.

Yes, I know what the number 9 C&A label stuck on my box of antidepressants say. ‘DO NOT STOP TAKING THIS MEDICINE ABRUPTLY unless ottherwise advised by your doctor.’ I suppose the capitalisation is aimed at highlighting the importance of not ceasing it yourself. But that’s okay, I’m sure this piece of advice is aimed at those taking the medication because they are sick and have their illness taken seriously. Not me.

Today marks day two of not taking the Lexapro as prescribed. Prior to this, in the past four months, I have been little miss compliant, not even missing a dose once. Physically, I feel much as I did when starting the Lexapro- as if I have a mild case of the flu. According to the Consumer Medicine Information leaflet, ‘Lexapro is not addictive.’ Therefore my logic is this- I should be able to stop taking the medication cold turkey, no probs.

And while I’m at it, maybe I should stop seeing my psychiatrist and my psychologist too. If I’m not taking medication, I don’t need a psychiatrist. If I don’t have anything to talk about with my psychologist, there’s no point seeing her either. One counsellor, two psychologists later and I’m still no better than when I started. Maybe I should just give up on all psychiatric and psychological help.

7 thoughts on “Not taking my Lexapro

  1. {{{hugs}}} be careful with stopping, it might not be “addictive”, but your brain gets used to having it in it’s system and you’ll likely “rebound” further into depression, not to mention the horrible withdrawal effects.

    For what it’s worth, I do think you are ill, and I do think that you need support to get through it. Mental Health services can be unbelievably inconsistent and it’s not fair, but I can’t really recommend any way of making it change. I’ve had similar issues with regards low BMI, overdosing, etc not being “enough” for admission, whereas others seem to get more help merely because they shout louder.

    Would you feel comfortably talking about how you feel with either your psychiatrist, psychologist or even GP? You shouldn’t have to go without help. And just because treatment so far hasn’t helped doesn’t mean that no other treatment will either.

    Thinking about you {{{hugs}}}.

    Take care,

    PS sorry if I sound bossy.

  2. I just wanted to double what differentlysane posted about the rebounding. I found that if you can get through that week or two of sickness and offness, you’re through the worst. It took me two weeks to feel “okay” after I stopped Effexor cold turkey, but I had been on it for 10 months I think.

    I’m really sorry that you don’t feel supported. It is the worst feeling ever. Maybe you can be as frank with your psychiatrist/psychologist – whoever you see next? There isn’t anything to lose really, is there?

  3. I always feel really lucky b/c I love my psychiatrist and I see that so many people have problems with theirs or have shitty ones.

    I’m sorry for the shit you have gone through and not being able to get the proper help you need.

    I stopped taking my meds end of sept/early oct (to save them up to overdose) and seriously it was like one day before I was knocking at a mixed state’s door… I couldnt believe how fast shit went south.

    Anyways *hugs* and if these doctors aren’t right for you, and if that medication isn’t right for you then try and find one/some that are.

  4. Don’t punish yourself because other people have let you down. Don’t let others’ opinions of you dictate what you do– that’s giving them WAY too much power. Stopping your meds will only hurt you, not them.

    Then again, it’s your life and your body. Just make sure you take care of them both, okay?

    Wishing you well,

  5. Pingback: Giving in & taking my medication « Behind the Façade

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