It’s convenient that my psychiatrist and psychologist both practice in the same suite of the H Specialist Centre. When I saw Dr T on Friday following my discharge from hospital, she told me she would speak to G (my psychologist) when I was there for therapy on Tuesday. Indeed, this is what happened today. Just before G called me in, Dr T asked to have a word with her first. Not quite sure what was said behind closed doors, but it’s apparent Dr T told G of my overdose.
G has asked that next time I feel unsafe, I call her before doing any serious harm to myself. “Is that fair?” she asked me. I couldn’t well say no. So I nodded yes in agreement. Whether I’d actually call her though. Well. That’s a whole other matter. I get anxious making phone calls of any sort, let alone making a phone call asking for help. Though G has assured me that by calling her, no I’m not attention seeking, and no I wouldn’t be bothering her, I still can’t help having the belief that I would be regarded as being a nuisance and too needy. My hatred of making phone calls may even be enough to put me off overdosing again. Maybe.
Ended up crying in my appointment, though only briefly. An improvement on last Friday, where I cried in front of Dr T for the majority of the hour I spent in her office. Geez, I’m not usually this teary in appointments. I’m surprised I haven’t run out of tears yet. Though, it has been a bit of a relief to just release my emotions like that, prior to hospital I hadn’t been able to properly cry for weeks and weeks, I’d just felt numb.
The suggestion that my mother sit in on one of my appointments was brought up by G, so that perhaps my Mum could know a bit more about how much I’m struggling and support me. Uh, that idea, not so cool with me. With her knowing about two of my overdoses, it’s already more than I ever intended her finding out.
G suggested I see her twice a week for a while, however, I do still have a bit of a life, albeit not much, and am working the full day both Thursday and Friday. Thus, my next appointment with her is in a week’s time, on Tuesday. Though I am struggling right now, seeing a psychologist twice a week would make me feel a bit pathetic for not being able to cope. Others are able to survive quite easily without seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, or even at all, why can’t I?
I’m yet to find out when my next appointment is with Dr T. Upon the conclusion of each appointment, usually Dr T will consult with her secretary as to when a slot is available and make an appointment then. However, last Friday Dr T failed to schedule in any future appointment times and told me she’d catch up with me today. This didn’t quite happen though, besides the fact that she spoke to G, I myself didn’t talk to Dr T. So when my appointment with G came to an end, we went up to Dr T’s secretary and G told her that she thought an appointment should be made for me in about a couple of week’s time. I haven’t heard from Dr T’s secretary so far, and I just hope I won’t be forgotten about.