Therapy, Telephones and Tears

It’s convenient that my psychiatrist and psychologist both practice in the same suite of the H Specialist Centre. When I saw Dr T on Friday following my discharge from hospital, she told me she would speak to G (my psychologist) when I was there for therapy on Tuesday. Indeed, this is what happened today. Just before G called me in, Dr T asked to have a word with her first. Not quite sure what was said behind closed doors, but it’s apparent Dr T told G of my overdose.

G has asked that next time I feel unsafe, I call her before doing any serious harm to myself. “Is that fair?” she asked me. I couldn’t well say no. So I nodded yes in agreement. Whether I’d actually call her though. Well. That’s a whole other matter. I get anxious making phone calls of any sort, let alone making a phone call asking for help. Though G has assured me that by calling her, no I’m not attention seeking, and no I wouldn’t be bothering her, I still can’t help having the belief that I would be regarded as being a nuisance and too needy. My hatred of making phone calls may even be enough to put me off overdosing again. Maybe.

Ended up crying in my appointment, though only briefly. An improvement on last Friday, where I cried in front of Dr T for the majority of the hour I spent in her office. Geez, I’m not usually this teary in appointments. I’m surprised I haven’t run out of tears yet. Though, it has been a bit of a relief to just release my emotions like that, prior to hospital I hadn’t been able to properly cry for weeks and weeks, I’d just felt numb.

The suggestion that my mother sit in on one of my appointments was brought up by G, so that perhaps my Mum could know a bit more about how much I’m struggling and support me. Uh, that idea, not so cool with me. With her knowing about two of my overdoses, it’s already more than I ever intended her finding out.

G suggested I see her twice a week for a while, however, I do still have a bit of a life, albeit not much, and am working the full day both Thursday and Friday. Thus, my next appointment with her is in a week’s time, on Tuesday. Though I am struggling right now, seeing a psychologist twice a week would make me feel a bit pathetic for not being able to cope. Others are able to survive quite easily without seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, or even at all, why can’t I?

I’m yet to find out when my next appointment is with Dr T. Upon the conclusion of each appointment, usually Dr T will consult with her secretary as to when a slot is available and make an appointment then. However, last Friday Dr T failed to schedule in any future appointment times and told me she’d catch up with me today. This didn’t quite happen though, besides the fact that she spoke to G, I myself didn’t talk to Dr T. So when my appointment with G came to an end, we went up to Dr T’s secretary and G told her that she thought an appointment should be made for me in about a couple of week’s time. I haven’t heard from Dr T’s secretary so far, and I just hope I won’t be forgotten about.

5 thoughts on “Therapy, Telephones and Tears

  1. I can totally understand the anxiety about phone calls, but just remember that G is ASKING you to call her– she wouldn’t ask for it if she didn’t want it (she could have just as easily told you to call 911 (or whatever the emergency number is where you live) but she wants to be the one to help). That being said, calling a therapist is a lot easier said than done.

    Also, don’t be afraid to be assertive with Dr. T/Dr. T’s scheduling staff. You have needs and you deserve to get them met.

    I hope you’re okay. I’m thinking of you.

    Wishing you well,

  2. My therapist asks the same of me and it’s so hard for me to pick up the phone in the moment of panic or unsafety, especially when I al already feeling unsafe…it gets easier after a while and calling her does actually help. I just have to remind myself that…she said to call, I didn’t ask. she wants me to.

    everyone is working for your recovery. remember that.


  3. I know it sounds like having two sessions a week is a lot but doing it while you feel bad is not a bad thing. I have done this myself on occasions and I don’t think it’s pathetic to do so. If you aren’t doing well, then being able to talk it out rather than taking an OD is a much better option. I have that funny thing with phone calls sometimes too. I hope you’re okay.

  4. It’s good that you have this support available, and you are not pathetic. You’ve been through some difficult times, and deserve as much help as you need to pull through. It’s great that G has given you the option of calling her, and there is no shame in utilising this option. Having said that, I find phone calls difficult…all phone calls in fact…I think I just have an aversion to phones, but it’s good to know that there are people there.

    Hang in there missus

    Sarah x

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