I have been left feeling a bit high and dry from my therapy session this morning.
It’s not really my psychologist’s fault. Perhaps I was expecting too much from this session. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. Well yes, actually I do. I want someone to be sympathetic towards my situation. To acknowlege how awful it feels to have been terminated from my course. I just want someone to tell me that it’s all going to be okay, that it doesn’t mean I am a failure.
I’m questioning whether therapy really is helpful. Is it? It all just seems futile at the moment. What’s talking about it going to do? It’s not going to solve my problems. It’s not going to fix things. I could talk and talk ’til my throat ran sore, and yeah, while it’s better than keeping it all inside, it probably still wouldn’t get me anywhere. As demonstrated when G asked me what were the thinking errors identified during the time I saw my previous psychologist and did CBT. Umm… I. Can’t. Remember?
I’ve been feeling disengaged and a sense of resignation. I feel frustrated; at myself, at others, at therapy, at the University, just at life in general really.