Life never does turn out the way you expect it to. But oh, how I wish it did. I thought my life would take a straight path. It was all mapped out in my head. At the very least I was sure I’d get into my chosen course at Uni, graduate and henceforth successfully practice as a pharmacist. Perhaps it was naive of me to anticipate it would all work out in this way. Yet, I look at my friends and it seems like they are following this straight path, while mine is full of twists and turns.
The most recent twist? I have failed a core unit for the second time. This has not resulted in a termination from my Uni course…yet. It has however resulted in my being placed on a ‘Conditional’ course status. What this means according to the email I received from my Uni;
A ‘Conditional’ status applies where progress in a course is less than ‘Good Standing’ and the student is deemed to be at risk of not achieving satisfactory course progress.
A student placed on ‘Conditional’ status is permitted to continue in the course and to re-enrol, under such conditions as may be determined by the Head of School.
Please be advised, you must seek advice or counselling from your school in order to improve your status to ‘Good Standing’ by the end of the forthcoming study period.
It is possible that you are not enrolled in a course/major that is best suited to your abilities. It is now that you should consider course/major switching options. You are risking termination from your current course if your academic performance does not improve by the end of the forthcoming study period.
So to put it bluntly, the Uni is telling me, ‘Your marks have not been satisfactory, either improve by the end of next semester or we may kick you out of your course.’ Pretty much.
I am not keen on repeating the unit that I failed for the third time. I do not plan on continuing with my current course. Problem is, I don’t have any other plans set in place. The new Uni semester starts in about a week. Change courses? Yeah, except I’m not quite sure what I want to do. Marks from Pharmacy so awful, I probably won’t get accepted to courses I do apply for. Tried last year for social work, didn’t get in. In any case, applying for a course switch a week before the semester starts is probably far too late. Defer for half a year? Yeah, but what am I going to do with myself for all that time? Work? But I am so sick of my work, I do the same repetitive thing every single day. Everyone’s talking as if I will be going back to Uni this semester. At current, the chances of that are slim. Unless I decide to take the option of just pushing on with that one Pharmacy unit I am eligible for this semester, for the sake of continuing the guise that I am actually doing something with my life.
I tried emailing the first year co-ordinator to get some advice/make an appointment to see him, he hasn’t got back to me. Don’t quite know where to go from there. Meant to be attending the first year Pharmacy orientation day the coming Tuesday. May well be pointless, seeing as I am only doing one unit if I am continuing, which is not very likely. And if I did attend, it would mean I’d have to cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist. Then again, going may give me the chance to ambush the year co-ordinator and demand he reply my email and give me some answers…
My psychologist and a friend have both suggested talking to the Uni about my mental health issues. But oh, what’s the point, I don’t think my failures are attributed to my depression. I don’t want to seem like I’m just making excuses for myself.
I don’t know, I just don’t know anymore. This is such a rant. I’m sorry for not commenting on people’s blogs as much as I usually do too, I just don’t know how to respond anymore. I mean, I hardly even know how to respond to my own life.