University Dramas

Life never does turn out the way you expect it to. But oh, how I wish it did. I thought my life would take a straight path. It was all mapped out in my head. At the very least I was sure I’d get into my chosen course at Uni, graduate and henceforth successfully practice as a pharmacist. Perhaps it was naive of me to anticipate it would all work out in this way. Yet, I look at my friends and it seems like they are following this straight path, while mine is full of twists and turns.

The most recent twist? I have failed a core unit for the second time. This has not resulted in a termination from my Uni course…yet. It has however resulted in my being placed on a ‘Conditional’ course status. What this means according to the email I received from my Uni;

A ‘Conditional’ status applies where progress in a course is less than ‘Good Standing’ and the student is deemed to be at risk of not achieving satisfactory course progress.

…..

A student placed on ‘Conditional’ status is permitted to continue in the course and to re-enrol, under such conditions as may be determined by the Head of School.

Please be advised, you must seek advice or counselling from your school in order to improve your status to ‘Good Standing’ by the end of the forthcoming study period.

….

It is possible that you are not enrolled in a course/major that is best suited to your abilities. It is now that you should consider course/major switching options. You are risking termination from your current course if your academic performance does not improve by the end of the forthcoming study period.

So to put it bluntly, the Uni is telling me, ‘Your marks have not been satisfactory, either improve by the end of next semester or we may kick you out of your course.’ Pretty much.

I am not keen on repeating the unit that I failed for the third time. I do not plan on continuing with my current course. Problem is, I don’t have any other plans set in place. The new Uni semester starts in about a week. Change courses? Yeah, except I’m not quite sure what I want to do. Marks from Pharmacy so awful, I probably won’t get accepted to courses I do apply for. Tried last year for social work, didn’t get in.  In any case, applying for a course switch a week before the semester starts is probably far too late. Defer for half a year? Yeah, but what am I going to do with myself for all that time? Work? But I am so sick of my work, I do the same repetitive thing every single day. Everyone’s talking as if I will be going back to Uni this semester. At current, the chances of that are slim. Unless I decide to take the option of just pushing on with that one Pharmacy unit I am eligible for this semester, for the sake of continuing the guise that I am actually doing something with my life.

I tried emailing the first year co-ordinator to get some advice/make an appointment to see him, he hasn’t got back to me. Don’t quite know where to go from there. Meant to be attending the first year Pharmacy orientation day the coming Tuesday. May well be pointless, seeing as I am only doing one unit if I am continuing, which is not very likely. And if I did attend, it would mean I’d have to cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist.  Then again, going may give me the chance to ambush the year co-ordinator and demand he reply my email and give me some answers…

My psychologist and a friend have both suggested talking to the Uni about my mental health issues. But oh, what’s the point, I don’t think my failures are attributed to my depression. I don’t want to seem like I’m just making excuses for myself.

I don’t know, I just don’t know anymore. This is such a rant. I’m sorry for not commenting on people’s blogs as much as I usually do too, I just don’t know how to respond anymore. I mean, I hardly even know how to respond to my own life.

6 thoughts on “University Dramas

  1. I’m sorry things are so hard with uni. But I think you can turn it around! And don’t give up on your dream of becoming a pharmacist yet. You definitely won’t get the things you don’t try to get, but if you try you just might get it. (I think that last sentence made sense. At least it did in my head.)

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

  2. Please believe me when I say I completely understand. I’ve been in a similar position before. Failed my first year exams, failed supplementaries, repeated my first year -crying and shrieking on the inside all the time-, nearly repeated my second year, barely scraped through to the third year.

    The only thing that kept me going was my obstinacy to wring an MBBS out of the university giving me so much grief, even though I often wondered if I really wanted to be a doctor for the right reasons.

    You say that pharmacy was your chosen course. Do you remember why? There were many times when I couldn’t remember why I’d chosen to study Medicine. Setbacks have a way of doing that: they drain our motivation and all that’s left is misery.

    Yet through it all, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. It was too horrifying to contemplate having to switch course, not so much because I didn’t know what else to do, but because I was terrified of what people would think about me.

    It depends on how much you want to be a pharmacist. If it’s something you want, go for it. Even if you have to repeat the unit for the third time. Because it WILL be worth it in the end.

    I know what it’s like to struggle with your studies. My advice would be to be frank with your university, to tell them that you’re struggling and that this is something that you really want to do and could they please provide the academic support that you need, be it extra tutorials or a mentor. I depended heavily on seniors’ notes to get through my exams.

    Drop me an email if you need someone to talk to, k?
    bluebutterfliesforme@gmail.com

    *hugs*

  3. There are some things that we just can’t cope with.
    You’ve had a lot on your mind and a lot bothering you; there are so many contrbuting factors to you not being physically and mentally able to complete a unit. That doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t mean you’re incabable. It means you’re tired, and you need to give yourself some space and rest.

    Education you can always come back to. It will always be there.
    Your health, however, won’t always be there. That’s why it’s so important that you first tend to your health before your education. I’ve learnt that, grugingly, but I know that it’s for the best.

    You are not a failure, sweet.
    You’re amazing.

  4. Such a difficult decision…it would be hard for anyone. Is there any type of tutoring available to you through Student Services? Is it the content you find difficult? Do you genuinely feel passionate about being a pharmacist? My only suggestion would be to consider where your real passion lies and go in that direction. Taking a break is also a hard choice. I did this, briefly mid-year, but I was able to still finish with my class.

  5. hun, you need to contact your school, as in the admin people in your school. We have a similar thing at the uni I work at called a ‘show cause’ and bascially the student comes in and an admin team member will sit and talk about the options with you about what to study and they will talk about counselling and such. Funnily enough, the admin staff often know more about the entire program/course than the academics do. They also know the program/course rules and which courses go with what and what to do in these situations. I think that’s the first step. They may be able to clear up a lot of worries for you. They will give you a plan of what to do for next semester. If you want to vent or some advice from someone who works within a Faculty at a uni in Brisbane, then I am really happy to talk to you. You can email me on splinks74@netspace.net.au. Thinking of you.
    *hugs*
    Sarah

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