Given how I felt last appointment with Dr T, my expectations of today’s appointment were not high. Fortunately, it went better than I anticipated. I’ve decided she isn’t quite as awful and insensitive as I initially thought she was. This time, I didn’t leave my appointment in tears, feeling worse than when I went in, which is definitely an improvement!
I agreed to trialing medication and am now in possession of my new meds. An antidepressant. An SSRI. Lexapro, to be exact. Or escitalopram if you prefer the generic name. I was given a starter pack and I have twenty-one tablets, 10mg each. I was given the instruction to take half a tablet, 5mg initially for one week, then increase the dosage to a whole tablet, 10mg daily.
In my previous post, when I wrote that the psychologist I am being referred to, G, is yet to call me back, I neglected to mention she practices in the same location as Dr T, they share the same consulting rooms. I let Dr T know I have in fact called up G to make an appointment and have not yet received a response. She says she will follow it up with G when she sees her tomorrow.
Dr T brought up the possibility of her writing a letter to the Uni and advising them of my depression, saying that it has affected my studies. Quite strange really, I was under the impression she didn’t think much of me studying pharmacy with my history of overdosing on pills. In saying that, she also asks whether that would be fair to the other students, and if I’m honest with myself, do I really think I deserve to get a reprieve. Would it be fair? Of course it wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be fair on the other students who have had to sit exams, for better or worse, regardless of what is going on in their life. I’ve been in that position myself, when a friend with depression in Year 12 was exempt from sitting the final school exams, yet still obtained a ridiculously high score and was accepted into Uni, while I struggled through them. So no, it wouldn’t be fair. Do I really think I deserve to get a concession? Of course I don’t. I feel as though whatever failings I may have academically is just a consequence of my lack of motivation and general laziness. I’m not looking for the easy way out. If I fail, I will just have to deal with it, and that is that.
She suggested there are alternatives to consider, if I do end up being terminated from pharmacy. Goodness, are there really? Suggestions such as focusing on work more, or taking the time to work on my issues before attempting Uni again. Basically what my ex-psychologist had suggested to me before, about a year ago. Ah, I love how they make it sound so neat and simple. It’s not.
The cost of this one hour appointment today was $295, however, Medicare subsidy means I only had to pay $150 out of my own pocket. I say only, but $150 is still rather a lot, considering I earn about $20 per hour working as a pharmacy assistant. *Sighs* The costs of private mental health care…
So that’s that, still waiting on a phone call from the psychologist and about to start taking the Lexapro from tomorrow morning. A bit nervous as to how I will feel and the potential side effects that may occur. Dr T says they are mostly gut effects, such as nausea, vomitting…sounds fun…
That plus the delights of studying for my exams in less than a week which I’m more than likely to fail…these upcoming few days are bound to be bundles of joy…!