Dinner With Workmates

A group of people from my workplace are organising to go out on Sunday night for dinner, to catch up with a workmate who has now left. I got asked whether I wanted to go or not. These past couple of months, with everything that’s been going on and my depression being worse than usual, I have avoided social situations and rejected invitations to go out. I thought it was time to break the cycle. So with some hesitation, I said yes.

I’m feeling a bit apprehensive about it. I’ve never been out with my workmates before. My Aunty will be there, as I work with her and she was the one who introduced me in, so it won’t be as intimidating as if I were to go by myself. I can convince myself that I am just tagging along with her, and therefore the pressure to be social is lessened. But still. I haven’t been out with friends for two months. Two months. I feel so out of sync, like I’ve forgotten how to have relationships with people. Isolation is unhealthy, especially when you are suffering from depression. I know that. I know that the longer I continue isolating myself, the worse the social anxiety is going to get. As my school counsellor in high school said, exposure is the only way to overcome social anxiety. But I am far more comfortable continuing to hide inside my cocoon, than to attempt breaking out of it.

Then there is the issue of food. Out of all the places they could choose to go, they chose a buffet. One of the worst places you can put someone who is bulimic. With the abundance of food, and as much as you can eat, the temptation to binge will be far too much. I will not be able to resist. And hey, I’m Asian, I like to get my money’s worth. Funnily enough, the last time I went out with my friends two months ago, we went to a buffet too. The inevitable happened, I went, I binged, I purged. I’m envisioning the same thing happening this time.

With all this in mind, um, why did I agree to go again?

5 thoughts on “Dinner With Workmates

  1. Maybe focus on ways to make this occasion more manageable? Perhaps eat the same as someone else, or set yourself a limit beforehand and try to distract yourself after eating to prevent purging? It’s a difficult situation, and I would find a buffet very hard given that I’ve been through bulimic phases myself, but at the same time, like you say, sometimes the only way to deal with social anxiety is to confront it head on.

    Do you get on well with your Aunty? Maybe you could use her help? Also think of the positives you will get from going – you are facing a fear just by going along, which is an achievement in itself.

    Try not to panic too much and have some kind of action plan to help minimise potential risks.

    Sarah x

  2. hey chook

    just realised i didnt actually say anything at all helpful on my last comment.
    buffets SUCK-i know where your coming from. but automatically thinking you are going to binge kind of sets you up for it. what i would maybe do-is eat befoe i go out.so im not really hngry when i get there.so you might not then be getting yor moneys worse-but the temptation to binge might be lessened a little.if you know the place yo are going-maybe think in advance what you might have.

    actually i still dont think im being helpful!i hope it goes ok chick

    vics x

  3. It’s good that you have agreed to go sometimes that is the biggest hurdle. I hope that it goes well and your anxiety doesn’t take over. I can’t comment on the bulimia i have no experience but hoping that that doesn’t ruin your evening.
    Take care xx

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