GP Appt No. 2

‘You’re not going to like it’ says the GP. No I’m not liking it. I’m hating it.

What am I not liking? Being pushed into doing things I do not want to do in order to supposedly help myself. My instinct is just to run the other way. Run away now…!

Because the psychiatrist appointment is quite a while away, he wants to keep a close eye on me in the meantime. I had an appointment with him on Saturday, had an appointment with him today on Wednesday and he asked me to make an appointment to see him again the coming Monday. That is three appointments in less than two weeks. That’s way intense and feels like overkill to me…

For the next five days before I next see him, he wants me to
-Do an hour of walking everyday. There is scientific evidence in supporting that exercise is good for mental health, according to him…and my old school counsellor I saw in Year 12. However, I have an extreme dislike of exercise.
-Eat three meals a day. He might find that my definition of a meal differs to his definition of a meal, but sure, I will eat three meals a day. My definition of a meal that is.
-Take 3 capsules of fish oil a day. And how much is that in milligrams…? I don’t like to ambiguity of ‘one capsule.’ Plus, I am unable to swallow tablets or capsules…unless they are mini sized. Fish oil capsules are huge. So unless I can find some liquid version (ewww) that doesn’t taste too bad I’m afraid that I may be non compliant on this one. Hmm. I don’t even know what good taking fish oil tablets are meant to do…?

Seems like I have taken to denying any want to hurt myself despite what I am really thinking. Any thoughts of self harm? Nope, none indeed…

Seeing a GP to be treated for depression makes me realise just how much I miss seeing a psychologist instead. From my first experience I decided that I preferred psychologists and counsellors to GPs and psychiatrists. While the GP I’m seeing now is better than the GP I saw before, this experience has not changed my mind.

8 thoughts on “GP Appt No. 2

  1. My mum used to feed me Scott's Cod Liver Oil every day when I was young. Supposedly good for brain development etc, but it was vile. Apparently the orange flavoured version is not bad, but my mum was keen on "minimal additives" so I only ever took the original version.Hope that helps!

  2. Is that the one that comes in the big bottle, the original is a thick white liquid and the orange one is a clear orange liquid? I was fed that as a child too I think, my parents bought it from Oriental shops. Yeah, didn't taste very nice lol.Thanks for your comment 🙂

  3. Is there no way you can get a psychologist referral? I'm not sure how it works over there, but surely there is some way you can get an appointment with a psychologist/counsellor if this has been more helpful in the past?At least you have some concrete goals to work towards, and your GP sounds alot better than some of the many rubbish ones there are. I've come across some awful ones here in the UK!I hated what I had to do to recover, i.e. gain weight, but the end result was so worth it. Stick with it, and your efforts will be rewarded.Sarah x

  4. Yup, that's the one! There must be a secret manual somewhere instructing all Chinese mums to feed their children Scott's Cod Liver Oil. The only thing worse than the taste was the smell.I don't like people telling me what to do either, but a lot of times I realise much later that they were (as much as I hate to admit it) right.If you ever need someone to rant to, you can drop me an email at bluebutterfliesforme@gmail.com.P/s – I've never said this before, but I'm quite happy that there's a fellow Asian here on blogger.*hugs*

  5. Sarah: it is possible to get referrred to a psychologist from a GP. Last time though it was a psychiatrist who referred me so I'm not sure if it's going to work the same again.Yes he is better than some I guess. My last one was pretty rubbish too.Thanks.Blue Butterfly: Haha that made me laugh. I guess being Chinese comes with being 'kia su,' afraid that their child will lose to other children in the area of academics so they will try anything that is said to boost brain power, like fish oil!Thank you :)I'm happy to meet another Asian on blogger too, it is nice to have someone who understands what it is like to live with Asian cultures and values 🙂

  6. You can flaxseed oil which tastes nothing like fish oil and you can mix it into foods, etc.I guess also, reading this entry I just want to hug you. You seem to be playing games with these professionals – it's their job to help you. Well, not you, your illness. There's no need to play games. You're the only one that loses out here. They go home to their families and their own issues.There is a part of you that wants help. You have been asking for it for so long. Listen to that part. I know it's tiny, I know you're struggling to hear it, but it IS there. Don't deny it's existence. Just do what the professionals say, until it's louder and stronger.Anorexia and depression aren't going to give you anything. You have a chance to get the help to get out of it. It's being offered to you with both hands extended. Please take it.

  7. I think you should push to see a psychologist if that's what you think you need. It sounds like your GP may be well meaning but if he doesn't understand what you need and if it's not helpful then you should try to find something else hard as it is.I know how hard it is to do things that seem so counterintuitive like eating and how frustrated and angry you feel when it seems that people are "forcing" you to do them. I think part of this is just the illness but also if it is a person who doesn't really have a good understanding of what you need, this can be really unhelpful too.

  8. DCM: When I first read that I seem to be 'playing games' I got a bit offended though I know you are being honest and trying to help so thank you for that. Then I read back my post and I can see how it might seem that way. However, I was pretty upset after the appointment and have since calmed down and am trying to do what he is telling me to do. I know you are right, it is just hard to accept…Jessie: Yeah, I think a psychologist would be more helpful, will see if I will get referred to one or not.Thanks for understanding that it's not easy and it's frustrating to have to do what others tell you to do. I guess I kinda need someone who is willing to work with me on what I am willing to try, and work with me on my pace. I told my GP I have tried the 'exercise thing' with my previous school counsellor, it didn't work, yet he is still making me do exercise. Grr.

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