Ambulance came

So N & S called an ambulance on me. Paramedics arrived at my door step. Mum answered the door. I went to meet the paramedics. They didn’t really know why they were there, just that a friend called because I had taken pills and alcohol. I told them I had, two days ago. They asked if I had any effects from it. I said that I slept for about 18 hours and that the Poisons Information Centre told me to go to a hospital. They said that I had to be careful with things like paracetamol. So because I seemed fine, they left. I’m sorry I wasted their time.

Was left to deal with the aftermath with my parents. So now they know that I took paracetamol with alcohol. I can’t even begin to describe how much they do NOT understand about mental illness and depression. They don’t understand that I cannot just snap out of my depression and be happy. They don’t understand how hard it is not to harm myself when I’m upset, angry or frustrated. They don’t understand that it’s not that simple to just eat more. Honestly, they just make everything worse.

What I don’t understand actually is why they refuse to take me to hospital. I told my mother that I rang the Poisons Info Centre and they told me to go to hospital to get checked out. Yet they wouldn’t take me.

They did however say that they would take me to a GP tomorrow. I don’t go to GPs often and so the last time I went to this GP I was 11 years old I think? I hardly remember if he was nice or not, if he’s someone who I’d want to go to for mental health issues. But I don’t know any other GPs. I know going to the GP is something that should be done, but I am so not a fan of GPs after that experience. I might just look for a GP myself and hope that luck is on my side.

Looks like I won’t be needing headspace after all, seeing as I will be going to the GP to get referred to a psychologist. Again. Headspace actually called on Tuesday but I was at work so couldn’t chat. They said they would call on Wednesday but never did. They don’t have to now I guess. This is not what I wanted though, my parents knowing. With them paying last year, I felt pressured to recover as they were the ones spending the money on my therapy. That sort of pressure does not help me and just makes me feel worse.

Gosh it’s been a long day, my head hurts. Hating life right now, all this is too overwhelming.

3 thoughts on “Ambulance came

  1. I'm sorry you are having such an awful time right now. I'm glad though that you seem okay since your OD, though sorry your parents weren't helpful. I know this feeling. I have OD'd before myself, a few times and it was never a pleasent experience. I used to do this for different reasons, like out of anger, hurt, betrayal or betrayal I thought had happened and hadn't. I guess the thing I remember the most is the charcoal and how awful that is. This is what stops me now and also the thought of how hurt Andy would be. Before Andy, I didn't care who I hurt with my ODs. I just did it whenever I felt bad. I haven't self harmed in anyway, other than my ED, since I've been with Andy. It's not easy to try and feel okay when you don't. It sucks when you have no one to help you through. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think you are important and there are others on here that do too. Be gentle with yourself and try to be kind to you! You really do deserve it!*hugs*Sarah

  2. I really feel for you at the moment, but hopefully you will get to see a psychologist, and get the support you need. Maybe in time your parents will understand. I know it took mine a long time to even get close to understanding my ED, my dad still doesn't 'get it', but sometimes the more you let people in, the better their understanding becomes, and the more they can help. I hope this is the case, but even if not, don't be afraid to reach out and seek help from elsewhere.The problems you are experiencing are real, and they matter, as do you. You deserve help, you deserve support and you deserve compassion and understanding.I hope you will recieve all of these in time.Sarah x

  3. Oh Cassie, I am really sorry things are so bad. I wish I could do something to help. I understand about you not wanting your parents to know. I remember years ago my parents knew that I was depressed and seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist etc, but they had no idea how bad things were, and then I attempted suicide and ended up in hospital on a drip for 4 days, so obviously they found out. I remember the first thing my psychiatrist (who had wanted me to talk to them about it, and had a great sesnse of humour) said when he saw me was 'Well. I guess the cat's out the bag now then!' I still tend to hide how bad things are from my parents, but I do from most people really. Although you are worried about going to see the GP, I really hope that they are helpful and that it gets you the help that you need. As I said before, you are welcome to email me anytime you want someone to talk to. Take care honey. xxx

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