Getting help…again.

Oh my goshness. So after months of thinking about getting help again…saying that I will get help again…trying to convince myself to get help again….

I have done it.

I have gone and sought help again. Seven months after my last appointment with my clinical psychologist last year, when my appointment was apparently cancelled without her telling me. I have to thank some of my friends on the Reach Out forums for their encouragement in seeking help, I don’t think I would have been able to without that. Plus, one of them is also in the process of going to seek help again too, in the form of going to see her Tafe counsellor, after stopping with her previous counsellor, which has nudged me to get help again.

I made a call to my local headspace center to make an appointment. The person on the other end of the line did the referal form for me over the phone. She asked me for my general information such as name, address, birthday etc. She then asked whether I had accessed any mental health care before, to which I replied yes, she then asked me where I had accessed this care and also a bit about what are some of the issues was wanting to go to headspace for. I got told that the referal co-ordinator will be in touch in about three to five days and from there it will be determined who would be the best person to see and an appointment will be made.

I thought that getting help for the second time would be easier. But I’m still incredibly anxious and hesitant about it all. I’m trying to convince myself that I did the right thing and my issues do warrant help. I’m really sick of having this low mood, having no energy and motivation, self harming, bingeing and purging and thinking about ending it. But maybe I’m making out my issues to be worse than they actually are and I should just deal with it myself. I feel a bit pathetic for seeking help after just seven months of stopping with my previous psychologist, I feel like it’s too soon to seek help again. Last time I only got help after about four years. Part of me is already regretting making that phone call in the first place. I’m scared.

I do want help. But I don’t.

I don’t know what I want.

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