How do you justify to a workmate, not joining in their going away party because it simply scares you too much to eat pizza, and the thought of consuming pizza evokes waves of fear inside you?
From yesterday when I first found out about the pizza party till today, even after the pizza lunch was over, it was on my mind.
Yesterday afternoon, Maybe I will participate, I can just have one slice…it’s my last full day at work for a while too, seeing as I’ll be going back to Uni soon. I don’t want to be the odd one out and I don’t want to offend Y(person leaving workplace)
I considered it. I looked on the pizza company’s website for the nutritional information. A slice of pizza has about 200 calories??!!! That’s too scary and I can’t.
The more I thought about it, the more anxious, stressed and scared I was getting. About eating pizza and consuming calories, or not eating pizza and having people notice and think badly of me.
This morning at work, before we had even bought the pizza, the senior pharmacist asked me, “So what are you having for lunch today BtF?” I answered, “Salad…” He replied, “What, a teaspoonful?” I said, “No, more than that….” His response, “What, two teaspoonfuls?” I don’t know how he would’ve known that I wasn’t going to have pizza, unless someone told him. He knew that I don’t usually eat much anyhow…
Then came lunch. Pizzas were brought in, everyone digging in while I ate my home brought salad.
Big Boss: You’re not having pizza?
Me: No, I don’t really like pizza…
Big Boss: I don’t really like pizza either, but it’s the principle of the thing you know? (ie. we’re having a party for Y and you’re being rude, anti-social and arrogant by not participating)
Wish I could be normal about food and enjoy a pizza like everyone else. But I’m not, and I can’t, while ED still lives inside my mind. Wish I could be uncaring about what other people think of me. But I care all too much and it was going over and over in my head what my workmates must think of me.
All this, over one meal of pizza…