I’m off to Kuala Lumpur and Bali tomorrow morning. But somehow holidays are a lot more enjoyable when you’re not suffering with mental illness at the same time.

Last holiday I spent in Singapore and Jakarta. While I do have some good memories of that trip, I do remember a lot of times when mental health issues got in the way of having fun.

I remember going to the 24 hour buffet by myself on the cruise ship we were on and bingeing, hoping nobody would notice and think it strange that a seventeen year old girl was going to the dining area by herself and eating plates of dessert. I remember going to our cabin and purging in the bathroom afterwards. I remember being depressed, and crying by myself at night when everyone else had gone to sleep. I remember purging in the public toilets after a meal at the foodcourt…and I hate purging in public toilets. I remember cutting in the bathroom at the apartment we stayed in and getting blood on my clothes, on the bedsheets. I remember my mother finding my laxatives (awkward much?). As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t leave my mental health problems at home.

This holiday we are taking…I can’t guarantee that I will leave all my mental health problems behind. But I will try to make some positive changes. For one, I’m not bringing my razor blades to cut with. And two, I’m not bringing my laxatives with me this time. I’m hoping that I will be able to enjoy this holiday more.

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