When I go to work I am forced to eat lunch because my aunty works there with me and we have lunch together. She doesn’t know about my body image insecurities and my ED symptoms but she would disapprove if I didn’t eat lunch at all.
These holidays I’ve been working about four days a week so it means that I eat lunch at least six days a week because I have to eat lunch on weekends too.
I know that the lunch that I bring is a smaller portion size compared to what others bring but at least I am eating lunch instead of skipping it like I do if I’m at Uni or home by myself.
My family and relatives, which includes this aunt, are planning to have a nice family portrait done professionally on December 19. I didn’t even give much thought to it until my aunt said today that she’s not going to have some of the fruit tart because she’s on a diet. She wants to lose 2kg before the family portrait is taken. The thought of losing weight for the family portrait didn’t even cross my mind before she mentioned it. And now that she has, it makes me think that I now have to lose weight too. Can’t get a photo of me done looking like a fat whale. Can’t let my aunty beat me in losing weight. The competitive side of me that has to do better than others comes out- and I have to do better than her in being able to lose weight.
Later on that same day she told me that I need to eat more after seeing the portion sizes of my lunch and she tells me that I’m skinny. Umm, how come you’re allowed to go on a diet while I’m told to ‘eat more’? Seems a little bit hypocritical. It already annoys me when people comment on the amount I’m eating, this annoyed me even more because she’s the one that said she’s going on a diet, she’s the one that’s making me now dread the family portrait we are having and I’m thinking that now I need to restrict and lose weight