I’m torn…

…between two sides.

On one side is the BtF who self harms, who displays ED behaviours and is insecure about her body image, who has depression, who’s quiet and timid, too anxious and afraid to do anything, who’s failing Pharmacy, who cares too much about what others think of her, who doesn’t have any support whatsoever currently, who doesn’t have very high self esteem, who is terrible at handling the tough times of life, who’s just useless at everything and wants to give up.

On the other side is the BtF who has become more confident, has friends, seems happy and friendly and carefree, who is a R O Youth Ambassador who gets involved in activities, such as giving a speech about the I Foundation, who wants to help others and wants to get active in the issue of mental health, who wants to possibly do a mental health related degree at Uni instead, who goes out with friends and gets enthusiastic about things.

When things aren’t going so well and I’m feeling down and hopeless, it’s so easy to go back to being the BtF that I mentioned first. The BtF who will just dwell on her mental health problems, all the negatives and the past.

When I’m happy and I’m enthusiastic and things are going well, the BtF I mentioned second is the BtF I strive to be. The BtF who wants to recover, who wants to be confident and who wants to use her experiences to help people in the area she is passionate about, which is mental health.

So who am I really?

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