This anxiety

I work with my aunty at a prison pharmacy. She’s a pharmacy technician and I’m a pharmacy assistant. Today I got a call from her saying that one of the pharmacists told her to tell me that my nail polish all chipped into the Webster Packs I was packing and also to not stick stickers onto the packs that I’m not meant to. And this pharmacist is one of the ‘nicer’ ones too, compared to some of the other pharmacists. Which makes me so anxious to go to work tomorrow. I fear screwing up and losing my job and feeling like even more of a failure than I already am.

My father then had a gripe at me about having to give me a lift to a friend’s house. He complained about me not making an effort to go practice driving and not passing my driving test yet. Well I’ve gone for three bloody driving tests already, I’m sorry if I just plain suck at driving. Just another aspect of life that I fail at.

I sent out my invites for my 18th birthday celebration today. Already I’m freaking out, did I invite the right people, are people going to be offended if I didn’t invite them, are people even going to come? I’m afraid that nobody will come and it will be a sad little party where nobody has turned up and I find out just how many friends I have, which may be not many at all. This is why I rarely plan events with my friends, rejection hurts.

I feel like I just try so hard to please people and if someone disapproves of me or something I did, or if someone gets offended at something I did then I just freak out.

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