It’s been about two months…

…since I last saw my psychologist. And I’m at a bit of a loss about what to do now.

I thought that she would call me because she wasn’t in when I went to her office for my shceduled appointment…but she hasn’t. Part of me still thinks that maybe, maybe she will call. But it’s been a month since the day when I was meant to have an appointment so I think I now have to accept that no, she’s not going to call. Even my mother noticed that I hadn’t been going to therapy and asked me about it. And she NEVER asks about my therapy, prefering to ignore and not acknowlege that I have mental health issues. I guess I’ve just been forgotten about by my psychologist. And it hurts.

I could call myself. But I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to call seeing as my psychologist was the one who wasn’t there at my appointment, not me. Plus, I get anxious when I have to make phone calls and I’d rather avoid that feeling of anxiety.

Getting help for myself the first time was already hard enough. I don’t think I can find the courage to go through it all over again. Right now I’m doubting that therapy can help me with the self harm, the ED behaviours and the depression anyway.

Then again, it could be an opportunity to find a new GP and psychiatrist, seeing as I don’t really like my current one. But that would mean actively making an appointment and trying to recover.

Although I’m still engaging in the ED behaviours and self harming every now and then, while I’m not getting any therapy I’m ignoring that they’re even problems. While not healthy, it’s more convenient for me that way.

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