It’s the 12th therapy session…

…the next time I go see GK which is in three weeks time.

This means that I have to either a) wait till next year before I can get another twelve sessions subsidised under Medicare or b) go back to see my psychiatrist to see if he will grant me another six sessions under Medicare.

We’re only meant to get 18 sessions in exceptional circumstances. I don’t think I qualify. I don’t want to go and see my psychiatrist just to be told he doesn’t want to grant me the extra six for this year.

I just don’t want to see my psychiatrist again. I’m intimidated by him, I don’t feel like he understands and the last time I saw him, he was pretty harsh about my OD. Plus I feel like he’s pushing me to take medication when I’m not really sure if i want to or not.

I don’t think he will grant me another six anyway. I remember him saying last time, ‘If you overdosed then I don’t think it (therapy) is helping you.’

The last time I saw him, afterwards I felt even worse. By then I had kinda moved on from the OD and then when I saw him, he brought it up again which made me feel crap all over again. Not to mention that after my appointment is when my father started pressuring me to recover and to tell him what’s been said in my appointments and that he’s having to spend all this money on me when I don’t seem to improve all that much.

The weeks following this happening, I was crying everyday.

I really don’t want to go through something like this all over again.

I don’t know if it’s the most helpful thing for me to do though, to stop seeing GK and wait till next year to get another 12 sessions. If I do that, it means about four months I have to go without therapy and support.

Then again, I’m not sure if therapy is helping me. I’ve been doing better this past month, but I don’t think it’s a result of getting help. So if it’s not helping all that much, maybe there’s no point in going for another six sessions anyway.

Why are there so many decisions in my life that I have no idea what’s the right choice to make?

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