…must come down.
This is what I’m afraid of.
This past month, I’ve been doing better. Not 100%, but better. I haven’t SHed in six weeks now, I haven’t taken any pills in attempting to OD, I haven’t drank any alcohol in an attempt to harm myself, I haven’t been thinking about dying and my mood hasn’t been as low as it was the weeks before.
It seems too good to last. I’m just waiting for it to all come crashing down.
Sometimes that wait for it is even worse than it actually happening. At least when I’m already down, I know what to expect. But when I’m feeling good, there’s the fear that the happiness won’t last and there’s a fear of what’s going to happen when things go downhill again.
Part of me thinks that the only reason I have been able to remain harm free for six weeks is because Uni’s out. And in the past, it’s usually when school’s out that I manage to SH less. Although I’m hoping that’s not just the case, seeing as I managed to get through the supplementary exams and knowing that I failed without SHing. Uni starts next week, so I’ll have to see how it goes with that…