Uni break? Not really.

I haven’t updated my blog in what feels like a while.

I’ve been busy studying for a supplementary human biology exam. Even though everyone else is enjoying their break. I HAVE to pass this one, otherwise I’m repeating the whole unit again. That’s one whole semester I’d have to repeat. So I really hope I pass this one.

I think I may have to repeat chemistry though…results come out tomorrow.

Despite failing human bio and most probably chemistry, I haven’t SHed. I think it’s been about a month actually. For me, that is pretty woah, seeing as the week before exams I was planning to seriously harm myself if I failed.

The real test of if I’ll be able to get through though, is when I get all my results.

Prior to finding out I had failed human bio and needed to sit a supp exam, I had been going out with friends which has helped to lift my mood. I was forced to give up going out for lunch (dim sum) with my Uni friends to study instead.

My mum, my two aunties and my grandparents have all noticed my hand from purging. When they ask how I got it, my answer is ‘I don’t know.’ Wow, awesome answer :/ My aunties and grandparents are getting all worked up about it. They want me to see a doctor about it. Which I SO don’t want to happen. Seeing as I do know how I got the redness and callouses on my knuckles and it’d just be wasting the doctors time. Not that I even want to explain to another doctor that I purge. I’m not liking doctors very much at the moment when it comes to treating mental health problems. My mum is a bit more clued up in the fact that I do know how I my knuckles got this way, I just don’t want to tell her. Even if she doesn’t have a clue it’s from purging.

I have my tenth therapy session this Friday. The last session I had, I wouldn’t say it went badly but I felt kinda…blah afterwards. Tempted to just quit therapy. I’m running out of sessions anyway…we’re allowed twelve a year but in exceptional circumstances we can get eighteen. I have to go back to my psychiatrist and he decides whether he’ll let me have another six sessions or not. I don’t want to see my pdoc again anyway, he scares me. Plus, my psychologist said that some doctors won’t grant another six sessions. So I’m afraid that he’s just going to say no anyway.

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