Why I hate ED

Or more specifically, bulimia:

-The feeling of being out of control when bingeing.

-Red, calloused knuckles from purging which some of my family, relatives and friends have noticed.

-I hate purging yet the thought of gaining weight is worse so I force myself to, even though I hate it.

-The acid from your stomach, corroding your teeth.

-Swollen cheeks

-The headches and dizziness from purging

-Sore throats

-Sore stomach muscles/cramps from heaving

-Blood in your vomit from scratching your throat. Or even worse, it could be a torn oesophagus.

-Burst blood vessels

-Chest pains

-Heart beating weirdly

-Feeling cold and shivering, especially after purging

-Screwed up periods

-The painful stomach cramps when using laxatives and the fact that if you use them they really inconvenience you.

-The embarassment of laxatives. It’s embarassing to purchase them. It’s embarassing when others notice you’re spending a long time in the toilet, not just once but a few times.

-You hardly lose weight from bulimia and some people even gain weight. Me, I’ve gained weight.

-The self hate that comes with it. Hate for your body, hate for yourself, for not having enough self control to not eat, for resorting to vomitting and laxatives to get rid of the food you ate.

-Trying to hide it from others- the bingeing, purging, trying to think up excuses for your behaviors, for your physical symptoms of it.

-The feeling of embarrassment when bingeing. When buying binge food- going to a few different shops so the checkout people won’t be thinking you’re a greedy fat pig, when bingeing- trying to sneak food and eat without others knowing how much you’re eating, after a binge- hiding the food wrappers to dispose of later without anyone seeing.

And that’s not even an exhaustive list either. There could be more, I’m sure there are more consequences of bulimia that I haven’t mentioned here.

What I hate most about this ED?

That as much as I hate it, as much as I want to stop doing this,

I can’t.

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