Is what my psychologist asked me today in my session after I told her about not being in the greatest headspace right now and the behaviours that resulted from this and doing badly in my exams as a consequence.
She said that some options were maybe to defer Uni for the rest of the semester or to do Uni part time and drop a couple of units.
She suggested maybe going to talk to the Unit Co-ordinator and telling them a bit about the situation. And she said that she could also write a letter to the Uni and they kinda have to take it seriously if they have documentation from a mental health professional.
But I was enjoying being anonymous and no one in my course or any of my tutors or anyone knowing about my problems too….
I mean, from the beginning of high school in Year 8 I was already someone who was having difficulties and the first time I saw a school counsellor was in Year 8.
And it just feels like great, now in Uni they’ll know I have problems too, just when I managed to escape that out of high school.
I’d prefer not to have to do that…but seeing as there’s a very high chance that I failed and if I do decide to do Uni part time or something then maybe I will have to go to someone about this and see what options there are.
There must be some sort of support at Uni for students with mental health issues though…right? Why else would they have a ‘Mental Health Survey’ to get responses and see how they can improve Uni life for students with mental health issues, right?
I don’t know what to do right now. Clearly the whole ‘going to Uni and trying to study and do well on top of everything’ thing isn’t working all that well for me. But I don’t want to be using my mental health problems as an excuse for not doing well, as the easy way out of doing Uni full time or doing Uni at all. I feel like it is just my fault, for not trying harder, for not being motivated, for not studying enough, for not being more focussed, for not concentrating enough. If other people fail they just have to face up to the consequences. As should I.
Maybe I should just push on with Uni and keep trying. Considering what I said and what I thought about my friend not doing the TEE last year due to her depression, I’d be a hypocrite if I did any different.
Actually, pushing on with the whole five units may not even be an option for me anyway seeing as I’m quite sure I failed and I’m not allowed to do the second semester of that unit if I fail.
But if I do end up passing and I go on to do the full semester course, gosh, I don’t even want to think about how hard that is going to be. Next semester we still have five units, same as this semester, but next semester we have 27 contact hours a week as opposed to 20 hours a week this semester.
I’m struggling already with the 20 hours, 27 hours a week surely will kill me.
I need to talk to someone about this, someone who’s been through something similar. I remember seeing some Uni students on the RO! forums who have been through something similar and have been given special consideration or have taken Uni part time or whatever because of their mental health problems. And it’s an Australian forum so everyone there is Australian. Only problem is is that it’s been closed for six months
There’s also what my parents will say on this matter. I know what they will say, that it’s just depression, I should be able to study and do Uni and continue and keep trying etc etc I know I don’t seem any worse than I was before and I managed to get through high school so why shouldn’t I be able to get through Uni?
I’m thinking that I shouldn’t even be struggling. Why should I be struggling? The transition into Uni was a lot easier than the transition to high school. I’ve made good friends in Uni and I’m not a quiet, awkward loner with no friends. So why am I struggling still? I’m frustrated with myself because I shouldn’t be struggling. Uni was meant to be a new start, a GOOD start. I thought that after the three month summer break after high school and the TEE exams I’d be refreshed, I’d be READY for Uni. But that has clearly not happened, why?
I hate my brain right now, it’s not even functioning well enough to write this out, it’s taken me so long to write this stupid post up for my blog ARGH