This feels ridiculous…

…that I’m crying over a stupid number shown on stupid scales.

I’ve gained 3kg from my lowest weight last year (which I won’t say, don’t want to trigger anyone) when I first started restricting and purging. And I feel awful about it.

I still can’t get over how crazy this is, that the beginning of last year I didn’t give a damn how much I weighed or whether my body looked fat or not. Because it’s only been a year with this ED, I can still remember what it’s like not to struggle with this.

This week is going to be a tough week with study and exams and all. I feel like I can’t study anymore because I spent all my brain power on the TEE exams that I sat last year to be able to get into Uni. And with everything else going on…it’s just hard.

A friend is turning 18 and she invited me, along with three others, to go over to her apartment for what she calls a ‘drinkfest.’ I want to go and feel bad if I don’t go…but at the same time, I really need to study. As in, I know nothing and am relying on study week to fully learn one semester’s worth of work for four units.

I’ll be glad when exams are all over. I’ll probably work for a bit, try to earn a bit of money…even though I STILL haven’t been paid from working a month ago o_O. My Uni friends are talking about going to Melbourne together as a group of three/four of us at the end of the year. Which would be something to look forward to. But it seems kinda doubtful that it will actually happen.

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