Frustration

On Tuesday I told my mum about needing to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist again so that I can receive another six sessions with my psychologist. And she just said ‘Okay’ and left it at that. Then today I asked her if I should cancel my appointment with my psychologist, meant for next Friday, seeing as I can’t have another session with my psych unless I see my psychiatrist first. She didn’t seem all that bothered with whether I get an appointment or not. She said that if I do go and see him, it’s best to get the last appointment time on a Friday afternoon so that my father can drive me there. I asked, ‘What if there are no spaces available for the last time slot on Friday?’ And she says, ‘There will be.’ Great, so does that mean if the only time available is in one or two months time I’m just meant to wait till then? From what I’ve gathered, my psychiatrist is pretty busy. I had to wait 2/3 months between getting the referal to see him and actually seeing him. Then the second time I was meant to see him, the receptionist rang and postponed my appointment to a week later.

My psychologist says that with CBT it’s better to have regular appointments otherwise you lose momentum. It’s preferable to have them weekly but if not then fortnightly at least.

At this point it seems like it’s going to be like at least a month before my next appointment.

Before this I was feeling guilty about having mental health problems so that I have to have these appointments and money spent on them.

But now I’m just annoyed.

Maybe she didn’t realise that getting help for mental health issues means, seeing a psychiatrist, doctors and having a number of psychologist appointments? But does she really expect me to recover after seeing a psychologist just a few times? Does anyone recover from issues such as SH and/or EDs after just a few times? I wouldn’t think so…

Or maybe she just doesn’t see that I do need help…

It’s been a month since I took the 6g paracetamol, I realised this today after I just happened to go to a lecture for Pharmaceutics on the topics of Poisology and Toxicology. Apparently paracetamol OD is the most common drug to OD on out of all medicines, whether unintentionally or intentionally. The lecturer gave an example of if someone took 1g of paracetamol every four hours in one day they would have ended up taking 6g of paracetamol which she says is an overdose. That’s the amount I took in a time period of a lot less than 24 hours. So if the example she gave is an OD then I guess I have to admit I did…OD on paracetamol last month :/ Instead of just thinking, ‘Nah, it’s not that much over the reccomended daily dose, it’s fine.’ No it’s not fine, Cass 😦

I feel just slightly hypocritical studying pharmacy when I’m ODing on paracetamol, misusing lax…

I may not even be able to pass pharmacist though. Seeing as I failed a human biology test that is worth 10% of my total mark. I failed that test by ONE mark.

I’m finding it so hard to do anything these days. It’s not like I go out a lot either. The last time I went out was once during the Uni break and that’s it. Although I am going to my secind birthday party for the year (friend’s 18th) tomorrow.

Being able to do well and study is so difficult now… 😦

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