Medicare…

…is great in that it saves me $115 per session which saves me $2070 per year if I have 18 sessions. But at the same time it’s such an inconvenience because after every six session, you have to go to the doctor who referred you to the psychologist to get another six sessions under the GP Mental Health Plan.

I have my sixth session tomorrow. Which means a trip to either go see the psychiatrist or the GP. Not sure which one yet.

My psychiatrist is okay but it is extremely awkward with him. I don’t know what to say to him, I don’t feel comfortable talking to him because I’m not convinced that he understands.

The GP I saw, well, I actually do dislike her. I’m quite scared of her actually. It was a horrible experience for me and I started crying during the appointment and was crying afterwards too.

She made me show her my scars and insisted that I show my Mum too. The doctor was quite horrified when she saw them, I think, and my Mum was shocked at how bad my SH is. And when we got home my Mum started crying… 😦 It didn’t help either, that the doctor was telling my Mum, ‘You need to look out for her, it’s your reponsibility as a parent, blah blah blah…’ …Do you not understand that parents cannot look out for their kids 24/7? And do you not realise that I, as 16 year old (at the time), do need some privacy too?

When you’re over 16, what you tell your doctor/mental health professional is meant to be confidential, unless you have plans to seriously harm yourself. And I didn’t! Yet she told my Mum everything.

The she said, ‘If you went to hospital now, they’d admit you.’ She was talking about going to hospital for ‘observation.’ I wasn’t even suicidal at the time. It made me feel even worse, I was so scared and it made me feel like I really am crazy.

I told her the last time I cut had been 2/3 weeks ago when she asked. And her reply was, ‘That’s really bad.’ Umm, who are you to say what’s bad and what’s not?

She also asked me the last time I purged. When I told her it was recently, she asked my Mum, ‘Did you see her do something silly like that?’ SOMETHING SILLY. Honestly.

When I was talking to my friend TB last year, she said that the GP doesn’t really matter, as long as you have a good psychiatrist/psychologist. However, even seeing the GP for 5 minutes is 5 minutes too long. And for someone with depression such as her, the GP may not be that important, but for someone with an ED, a GP is needed to monitor the physical side of things. Think I can talk to that GP about throwing up, about using the lx? I think not. Which is why I need to find a new GP.

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