I’m regretting…

…telling the first person that I’ve told about my SH and seeing the school counsellor and psychiatrist and all.

I mean, I don’t even see her or talk to her much anymore. I’m thinking, maybe I shouldn’t have told her such a private part of my life when six weeks into Uni I’m hardly in contact with her anymore, not even on MSN or Facebook.

But then I remember that she was a really good friend to me last year and that was a very vulnerable moment for me when I told her that day. It was after I had a really really bad night and she was the first person to notice and ask me if I was okay. She was the first friend I told in 4 years.

I’m feeling a sort of regret for my moment of weakness now though. I’m questioning if we really were that close if as soon as we leave high school, we don’t keep in touch anymore? I know that’s half my fault but I’m just really bad at being the one to suggest catching up. I’m scared of people not wanting to and rejecting me or they agree to catch up just because they feel obliged, not because they want to. Or else I meet up with someone and it ends up being really bad and boring or awkward.

That night was a really bad one though and I did really need to talk to someone. I’m scared of what I might have done otherwise, had I not talked to someone.

So I guess even if someone may not be a friend five, ten years later, or even now, the fact that they were a friend in times of need makes it good enough. A sad fact of life is that sometimes friends will come and go but just because the friendship didn’t last doesn’t mean it’s a bad friendship. Even if it’s not right in the present or the future, it was right back then.

I realise that I shouldn’t have regrets over this. At the time it felt right to tell, and looking back, it probably was right to tell. Even though we’re not close now, we were back then.

Just trying to tell myself, NO REGRETS.

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