Speech

As some of you may know, I am a Youth Ambassador for ReachOut.com which is an initiative of the Inspire Foundation, a not for profit NGO that uses technology to help better the mental health of young people. Today I gave a speech to E&Y, one of the corporate supporters of Inspire, at their golf fundraiser day. There were about sixty people present, sixty of whom are accountants, advisory, businessy and tax people (clearly, I know nothing about the business and corporate wolrd) and whom I had never met before. This was my speech:

Thank you all for being involved in this fundraising day today and I hope you’ve all enjoyed yourselves. As you know, the money raised today will go towards ensuring that the Inspire Foundation can continue the work that it does and reach even more young people in the future.

Inspire combines the direct involvement of young people with technology to deliver online programs that help improve young people’s mental health and wellbeing. It does this through its programs, the main one being ReachOut.com. Reach Out is a web based service aimed at young people aged 14-25. The website offers a whole range of features, including fact sheets, personal stories written by young people, interactive forums and more. It tackles mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, as well as other youth issues such as relationships, exam stress and sexuality which also affect mental health.

 One in four people will experience a mental health problem in their lifetime, yet, only 29% of this one in four will receive professional help. When many feel as though they can’t turn to parents, friends, teachers or professionals such as GPs or counsellors, they turn online for help. This is where Reach Out comes in. It is there 24/7, it’s free, it’s anonymous which is what makes it so appealing for young people.

Speaking from personal experience, Reach Out has helped me immensely. I, like many other young people, was afraid to seek help for my mental health issues. I was afraid of the stigma associated with mental illness, I was afraid I’d be judged, I was afraid my issues weren’t serious enough to seek help for. Reach Out was my first point of contact. Through reading the factsheets, being inspired by the personal stories of young people and being encouraged by others brave enough to seek help, I too was eventually able to seek help for myself. Currently I’m still seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and receiving treatment for my depression and social anxiety. Reach Out has definitely aided me in being able to make that step in reaching out for help. Because Reach Out has helped me I wanted to give something back and help other young people who may have been in a similar position as I. I applied and was accepted to become a Youth Ambassador which enables me to represent this organisation, promote it in the community and have a say in this service, so that even more young people like me are aware of Reach Out and are able to utilise this service. My Reach Out journey began as a young person seeking help, and I am now a young person who wants to help others.

So thank you all for your generous contribution. Every $11.50 raised today will help ensure one more young person has access to Inspire’s services for a whole year. If you’d like to find out more information about Inspire and its services, you can visit inspire.org.au or reachout.com. We look forward to continuing to work with you in the future. Your support ensures that Inspire can continue to achieve its mission of helping millions of young people lead happier lives.

Thank you.

I’m usually someone who avoids public speaking at all costs, so I’m quite proud of myself for being able to do that, considering one of the issues I struggle with is social anxiety. Proof that it is at least one aspect of my mental health issues that has improved somewhat?  Revealing to sixty strangers that I have a mental illness and I see a psychologist and psychiatrist for it- that is quite an experience. I used to be so secretive about my mental health issues, not willing to admit it to anyone. It’s something of a comfort anyway, knowing that I will most likely never see any of them again.

Edit: I let my mother read my speech the next day… after reading it, she said nothing. Don’t know what I was hoping would happen, I’m not quite sure what my purpose was. Perhaps just to emphasise to her that I’m not ashamed I have a mental illness. Perhaps it is also my passive way of rebelling, because the impression I’m getting from my family is that mental illness is something to be ashamed of, something to be kept in the dark.

Nineteen

Today, I turned 19. If you had asked me just a week or two earlier, this would have been the least of my intentions. My 18th year has not been the most successful one, to say the least. Overdoses, an ambulance and a hospital stay as a result, being kicked out of the Pharmacy course at Uni were amongst my most wonderful achievments this year. The thought of another year like the last, too horrible to contemplate. I, in short, would rather die.

But today, I have been given the most unexpected, wonderful birthday present. A letter of offer, to study Occupational Therapy at University next year. I was, no other way to describe it, shocked. I thought there was no way I’d be offered a place in this course, given my less than outstanding grades in Pharmacy. Much to my delight, I have been proved wrong. More than a letter or a place at a Uni, it gives me hope. Hope that I can still make something of myself, getting kicked out of Pharmacy wasn’t the end of the world. Hope that I will enter a profession I’m suited at and enjoy. And I think maybe, I will enjoy being an Occupational Therapist moreso than I would a Pharmacist anyway?

In just a couple of days time, I will also be flying to Sydney (ie. the other side of Australia- a five hour flight), to do what I love. Participating in a Youth Ambassador workshop and getting politically active for mental health.

I’m almost afraid to say this, lest I jinx my good comings, but…could life possibly be looking up?

R U OK? Day

Today, October 7 2010, is R U OK? Day.  A chance to ask “R U OK?”, start a conversation, reach out to others and show that you care. Suicide claims more lives than the road toll in Australia and about 2 200 Australians take their life every year (Source: ABS Data). Each and every one of us can help reduce this figure. In light of today, I want to share with you a story, evidence that asking this simple question can change a life. This may just be my story, but I’m sure it’s not the only one.

~~~

August 7 2008. I was sixteen. I was in year 12, the final year of high school. I was also very unhappy, very stressed and very alone. I just didn’t want to deal with life anymore. 

It was the middle of the night. Lights turned off except for mine. Eyes shut in deep slumber except for mine. What was I doing instead, in the early hours of this day? Despairing. Crying. Writing. Writing what was meant to be a suicide letter, which ended up being four A4 pages of every anger, ever sadness that had been pent up inside me.

Everything just felt too much, life too hard. I wanted to leave this world, yet was hesitant and afraid of taking that step. I had never attempted suicide before, never overdosed, never seriously harmed myself (not counting the superficial cuts I made on my thighs). I tested out a shoelace in what was a half-hearted attempt at hanging myself. I took five paracetamol tablets, back when I was naive enough to think that five would do some serious damage, perhaps even kill me. Obviously, it didn’t.

Tired and sad, I went to sleep.

In the morning I woke up. Put on my uniform. Got ready for school as usual.
“Why am I still here?” I asked my reflection in the mirror, tears pooling in my eyes. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Maths, second period of the day. My friend noticed I wasn’t the happiest. “Are you okay?” she asked me. I told her I was. She asked me a second time. I repeated that I was fine. “Are you sure?” she asked. “You don’t look okay.” I hesitantly told her, “I didn’t get much sleep last night and took a bit too much paracetamol.” She asked how many. I told her five. “How many are you meant to take?” I told her, “I don’t know.” But not five at one time. She asked why. Not wanting to admit I had been trying to hurt myself, I told her I had a headache.

That recess, she asked to sit with me. Not being in the same friendship group, we didn’t usually. I agreed.

She offered me the chance to talk. “Are you sure you want me to tell you?” I asked, being aware that what I was about to potentially tell her was quite heavy stuff. She told me that if I wanted to tell her, she’d listen. I told her. I told her of the self harm. I told her of the purging. I told her that I had been seeing the school counsellor. I had kept it a secret for so long, years, hiding it from friends and family. The first time I had told a friend of the cutting, it was in year 8 when I first started, and she didn’t take it very seriously. I hadn’t told any other friends since, until then. Four years later.

Upon finishing what I had to tell her, she told me she had no idea. “You know you’re one of my close friends right?” she asked me. I started crying then. I cried for all that had been happening. I cried for the relief of getting it out to someone. I cried because someone showed me that they actually cared. And I was comforted by the hug I received from her afterwards.

Prior to this conversation, I was contemplating coming home and overdosing again. Thanks to her, I didn’t, for that night at least.

~~~

It’s been over two years ago since this event, but I remember the day well. Proof that friendship and acts of kindness will be remembered.

~~~

This may just be one story, but it’s one of many. There are so many people out there in the world today who are hurting. But there are also so many people out there in the world who care. People who care enough to ask that simple but important question, “R U OK?” A conversation may not fix everything, or anything, but it’s a start. Just having someone notice that no, not everything is rainbows and sunshines, and yes, that they care enough to ask and listen can make a world of difference.

So I leave you with this video, created by headspace for R U OK? Day, and ask YOU the all important question:

R U OK?

 

 

Spring

Somehow, the month of August just doesn’t seem to agree with me. Okay, to be honest, crises have become such that they aren’t all that significant anymore, given the frequency. But August 2008 marked the first and only time I’d tried to make a lame atttempt at hanging myself. The first time I’d ever overdosed. Back when I was naive enough, at the age of 16, to think that taking five paracetamol tablets would be enough to kill me. Experience has now taught me otherwise. August 2009. Nothing much in terms of serious self harm or suicide attempts. But it marks the last ever time I saw my previous psychologist, the beginning of eight months without any help whatsoever. August 2010. The first ever time I overdosed badly enough to require a hospital admission and a drip in my arm for 24 hours.

Today marks the beginning of Spring. 1st of September 2010. How did I spend today?

I volunteered with the headspace Youth Refernce Group, spreading messages of positivity for Body Image Awareness Week. We walked around town handing out cards with messages such as this;

with the reverse reading ‘headspace [location] is celebrating Body Image Awareness Week and brings you these positive statements.’

This morning, I was hesitant about going. Curling up in bed, wallowing in my own misery for yet another day seemed a much more appealing idea. But no. I went. And I’m glad I did.

I’m not the most confident person there is. Walking up to strangers, saying hi, handing them a card, telling them I’m from headspace, here to promote Body Image Awareness Week, is not the easiest task for me, someone who has social anxiety. But I did it. My confidence grew as I handed out more cards. I felt proud of myself for doing something worthwhile at the end of it. While there were people who grumpily muttered, ‘Not interested,’ at me and walked off, I tried not to take it personally, and shrugged it off.

One moment of awkwardness though? When I glanced my psychologist sitting on a bench outside whilst talking on the phone. Not cool. She practices in two places. One where I see her, the other in the town where we were handing out the cards. Just tried to walk off and look the other way before she saw me. With any luck, she wouldn’t have.

I now seem to be on my way to becoming a proper Youth Reference Group member for my local headspace. I’ve obtained the Application Form, been invited to attend the next meeting, and it seems as soon as I get the form in, I’m good to go. For those who live in Australia, you may know that headspace is the national youth mental health initiative. So now that I’m most likely to become a headspace YRG, as well as still being a Youth Ambassador for Reach Out, I will be volunteering for two well established youth mental health organisations. Very cool.

Today has been a positive in a string of awful days one after the other. The first day of September. The first day of Spring 2010. May this be a good omen. May this day be the start of a brighter spring, an end to the cold, dark winter that I have beared.

Edit: Just as I was filling in the application form and writing in my phone number, I realised that I gave my psychiatrist’s secretary the wrong phone number. Shit. Yes, I am that ditzy that I gave her the first few digits of my previous phone number, and gave her the correct last few digits of my current phone number. No wonder I haven’t heard news of an appointment with my psychiatrist yet. Though, they should have the correct phone number on record? I should pick up that dreaded phone and notify them just in case, but…bah.  Who on earth forgets their own phone number? Oh yeah, me. *Face palm.*

Insane Energy Drink

Disgusted, offended and appalled. That’s how I felt browsing the website for Insane Energy Drinks.

I wouldn’t feel such strong opposition had they called their product ‘Insane Energy Drinks’ and left it at that. As in, this drink will give you an insane amount of energy. Used in that context, it’s fine. When a huge storm hit our city back in March, ‘The weather out there is insane.’ It’s everyday common usage of the word, not meant to offend.

What I do have a problem with however, is the advertising campaign they are employing to market their product.

Upon visiting the website, it becomes apparent they are not only using ‘insane’ as to mean epic, awesome, a large amount (of energy) etc. No. They use ‘insane’ to describe people who are mentally ill. An ‘insane’ person is depicted on the cans of the energy drinks, someone screaming in horror and agnony. I’d be screaming too if my face was plastered on the cans as part of such an insulting and offensive product design.

If you go to their home page, you will see the message welcoming you to their site. It reads, ‘ Welcome to the new website for Insane Energy! Come in, sit down. Are you cold? Would you like a… jacket? Don’t mind those wrist straps.’ They are of course, talking about straight jackets, a feature of those Hollywood films depicting violent, raving lunatics incarcerated in an asylum, needing restraint.

Their website is based on the design of a file, one would assume this is an imitation of the manila folders used to house the paperwork and information of individual mental health patients. I must say, the sight does seem rather familiar to me, I have become somewhat accustomed to seeing my name written on a cream manila folder. What this folder contains, I don’t think I want to know… On the top left hand corner of the website, you will see a small note entitled ‘File Notes,’ used as a navigation tool to click your way around the site. On the bottom left hand corner, you will see a list of ‘new patients,’ people who have registered to become members of ther site.

It only gets worse from there.

What has offended me the most is their Patient History page. The four ‘patients’ are Juice, Original, Energy Shot and Sugar Free. Their patient histories? ‘Exhibits unusual behaviour around dogs, occasionally screams for no reason’ and ‘Found several times juiced in the corner, babbling uncontrollably’ are just a couple of the descriptions of the ‘patients’ displayed on their website.

You are then directed to take their ridiculous Insanity Test, ‘Do you belong in a straight jacket? Take the Insanity test to find out.’ Upon completion you are given a ‘Diagnosis’ of how insane you are. My diagnosis? ‘Absolutely Bonkers.’ This doesn’t offend me as much as it is complete a waste of time. Though, I do object to their usage of the phrase ’schizo brain.’ You wouldn’t call a person diagnosed with breast cancer a ‘canco breast.’ So why would you call a person diagnosed with schizophrenia a ’schizo brain?’

It is not acceptable to treat the subject of mental illness in such a cavalier way. To use the physical illness analogy again, you wouldn’t be calling an energy drink ‘AIDS Energy Drink’ for example, and you wouldn’t be offering a ‘HIV Positive test’ as some sort of a joke. There would be an outcry, and rightly so. Sufferers and people affected by this life threatening illnes would be most dismayed. Well I’m a mental health consumer and I’m upset by this ad campaign. Mental illness is not a joke. It causes so much suffering, for patients and carers alike. Mental illness can be fatal, people commit suicide or illnesses such as anorexia can take a person’s life.

Companies like these just further perpetuate the stigma surrounding mental illness. They encourage the use of ‘insane’ to label people with mental ill health. They insinuate that people who are mentally ill belong in asylums and straight jackets. They illustrate people with mental illness as individuals who are violent, disturbed and act out. Yes, there are some people with mental illness who may be violent. But then again, there are people without a mental illness who are equally as dangerous. There are also many people with mental health issues who are completely harmless to others and would never intentionally physically hurt someone if they could help it.

The target audience for their products seem to be adolesecents, high school or possibly Uni students. It is at this high school age, that adolescents are the most impressible, and attitudes towards mental illnesses are at it’s worst. This ad campaign basically encourages the continued mocking and taunting of mental illness, and further embeds the negative stereotype of a crazy, insane person, in the young person’s mind. As if it wasn’t hard enough dealing with a mental illness at a high school age, this makes it all the more difficult for students to be open about their struggles, to seek help when they need it, for the fear of being laughed at and judged by their fellow classmates.   

To prove my point, I asked my high school aged brother, thirteen years old, what comes to mind when someone is described as ’insane.’ He suggests it is someone who is ‘crazy.’ I then asked what it means to him when someone is mentally ill. He says that he thinks of someone with a mental illness as a ‘retard.’ I asked him what this term meant. To him, it means someone who walks weirdly, can’t talk properly and looks grotty. It is the exact picture this website paints of a mentally ill person, someone who’s insane. But hey, guess what little brother, your sister has a mental illness and she’s none of what you described. I think some educating needs to be done…

I’d like to think our treatment of the mentally ill has improved over the years, as society has become more educated. It’s when I see ads like this that I’m disheartened, and not so sure. Luckilly, SANE Australia is advocating for changes to be made. They have contacted this company with the intention of asking them to withdraw this promotion. The latest on this, updated on May 31, is that the manufacturer has contacted SANE Australia advising that they had no intention to offend. I am quite dubious to this claim, how could they not have forseen this could be offensive, especially to those affected by mental illness? However, the company has said they aim to consult SANE Australia regarding changes in the advertising of the product. Here’s hoping they hold true to their word and changes ARE made.

GetUp! Campaign: Health Reform

To give a bit of a background, the WA Premier, along with the state and territory leaders around Australia, will be sitting down on Monday to discuss health reform in Australia. With the talk of health reform, mental health reform has been neglected. Professor Patrick McGorry, psychiatrist, youth mental health expert and Australian of the Year 2010, along with GetUp! , is pushing for mental health to be part of the reforms. We as the public, have been encouraged to support the GetUp! campaign in getting out voices heard about wanting better mental health services in Australia. Western Australians, such as myself, have been invited to send a fax via the GetUp! website to Premier Colin Barnett asking him not to come home without mental health reform. This is my message to him:

Dear Mr Barnett,

As an eighteen year old student who has suffered from mental illness for a number of years, I am concerned about mental health reform being excluded from discussions about health reform.

In trying to seek treatment, I have experienced how difficult it can be to access adequate and affordable mental health care. Because of the difficulty in accessing public services, I have had to go private in seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. As a full time University student, this bears some financial burden on me. Unfortunately I am not given much option as without mental health care, my mental illness declines even further.

I am particularly concerned about the mental health care available for young people. At least three of my friends have been hospitalised at a psychiatric hospital before they have reached the age of 25. Perhaps with better outpatient care, and early intervention, my friends reaching crisis points and needing hospitalisations could have been avoided. With so many young people experiencing mental illness and youth suicide rates being so high, it is of concern that there are not many mental health services available for young people. Headspace is the only youth mental health service I am aware of, and the government is to be commended for funding these centers. However, with only 30 centers around Australia and from what I gather, only one part time psychologist at my local headspace, this is not enough and more needs to be done.

Mr Barnett, I urge you to please consider mental health reform in conjunction with health reform. Mental wellbeing is just as important as physcial wellbeing and the services available should be matched to reflect this.

Yours faithfully,

BtF

I really hope that my message gets through to him and that it doesn’t sound too stupid or like an eight year old wrote it!

I realise that many of you do not live in Australia, but if you do, I’d encourage you to visit the GetUp! website, support this campaign and if are able, write to your premier through the GetUp! website encouraging them to bring about change for mental health too. I really hope that our voices are heard by these leaders, it is about time that mental health services are improved and more attention is given to this area.

TWLOHA Day

TWLOHA Day was today. November 13. Where people all over the world were encouraged to write the word ‘Love’ on their arm to support the not for profit charity To Write Love On Her Arms, a charity for depression, self harm, suicide and addiction. Having battled depression, self harm and suicide, this day was something that I got behind and supported. As well as writing ‘Love’ on my arm, I posted the event on my Facebook wall and I made a status post about TWLOHA Day encouraging others to write ‘Love’ too. Which seems to have worked to some extent, when I clicked ‘attending’ on the Facebook invite to this, only one other friend, who lives in Canada, had said yes. At the end I think there were about 30 of my Facebook friends who said that they’re ‘attending’ this event which was great to see. Yet I’m still afraid people will be suspicious of why I support this cause so much. In the end quite a few people got in on this but I was still afraid that people would guess- and they would guess right. Still, it’s all good and I’m glad I showed my support today! And saw on Facebook that others had done this too, especially the people I know from Reach Out. It was disappointing though that when I was out today I didn’t see a single person other than me with ‘Love’ written on their arm. Sad. Hopefully next year will see even more supporters though!

Inspire Speech

On Friday I went with another Reach Out Youth Ambassador/the Co-chair of the WA Inspire Community (LU) to give a presentation about Inspire and the initiatives of the Inspire Foundation, Reach Out and Act Now, at a law firm for their Workplace Giving Event. Basically the employees donate some of their salary to various charities and on Friday they had a day where representatives from different charities came along to talk about what their charity does, how the funds can benefit them etc etc.

I don’t really have much to do with Act Now but I am a Reach Out Youth Ambassador and WA Inspire Community Member. Because it was my first time I didn’t write and give the speech, instead I watched LU give the presentation. I did talk to a couple of people with LU about the Inspire Foundation though.

It feels a bit weird going to represent Reach Out, a web based service that helps young people get through tough times and get help for their mental health issues, when I’m one of those young people that do use Reach Out and does have a mental health problem. LU gave some statistics about depression and suicide and I was thinking, ‘Well, depression and suicide is something that I have dealt with…still do deal with sometimes…’

An employee at this law firm was talking to LU and myself and she asked us how we became Youth Ambassadors for Reach Out. I just said that I went on the website and decided to apply. I didn’t know if I should say that I actually have used Reach Out when I was struggling with my mental health issues and that is why I got involved. I’m still afraid of stigma and afraid of what people will think. Even though if they’re willing to donate to us then they probably wouldn’t judge someone with mental health issues. But still…

SBS Documentary on Self Harm

There is an opportunity for young people over the age of 18, who has self harmed in the past year, to be involved in this documentary.

‘The documentary will explore in a non-judgemental manner, what self-harming is and the many reasons why people engage in self-harming behaviour.

The objective of this project is to raise awareness of this issue and help others to understand self harming behaviour in order to help to dispel the myths and misunderstandings.’

It would be great to be involved in something that may spread awareness about self harm, an issue that has been in my life for over five years now.

On the other hand, it also warns us that being involved in a documentary may not be the best in aiding towards recovery as being in this documentary could be triggering. The Director of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the University of Queensland and Clinical Director of the Royal Children’s Hospital Mental Health Unit in Brisbane will be screening the participants to make sure that any involvement with this documentary will not cause the young person to go into any harm as a result.

Should I email? I may not even get chosen if I email them anyways. But it is an issue that I am very passionate about and a topic that I want to encourage a greater understanding of. Hmm…

CAMH Conference

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a Reach Out Youth Ambassador. An opportunity has come up for three to four Youth Ambassadors to fly to Adelaide to participate in the sixth national Child and Adolescent Mental Health (CAMH) Conference. The support that they are able to provide is return air fares, registrations fee and up to two nights accomodation.

I emailed the Reach Out Wellbeing Manager about it and hopefully I’ll get to go. It sounds like a great opportunity as mental health is an issue that is close to my heart and it would be so interesting to participate in this. Plus, two other Youth Ambassadors that I’ve met over the forums, but not in person, are interested too. And it would be great to meet them in real life.

The problem is though that I have a pharmaceutics practical exam worth 15% of my course mark on the same day as the conference. So I’m wondering, if I do get chosen, is it worth it to miss out on this practical exam?

But I guess I shouldn’t get too ahead of myself, seeing as I may not even get chosen to go anyway.