One or two bad days I could probably handle. I could use distractions, for example, painting.
And it did, to an extent, work. I’m obviously no artist but it was somewhat calming and therapeutic to express myself on canvas. In this case, it represented the tears I had cried over two days.
When it’s four bad days in a row though, forget it. Conflict with my father on top of a long uni day and stress over the workload and study resulted in an end to my two month streak of being self harm free. Two months would be a lot more impressive if I managed to resist the temptation despite having a rough ride. As it is, those two months went pretty well for me, and it was rare I felt the need to self harm. Unfortunately it only took four days of things not going so well for me to return to using old ways to cope.
Whether it’s a placebo effect or whether it’s the endorphins being released, I feel so much better now.The sharp sting of the blade and the blood dripping down my leg both calmed me and helped release the tension I was feeling, distracting me from my emotions and tears. And now that I’m reminded of how damn good this feels, gosh I just want to do it again.