“If you don’t have someone who believes in you, you’re not going to be on this earth very long. So tell me you all have someone in your life so that you’re in for the long haul?”
Words spoken today by the tutor who took our class for the Aboriginal Health and Culture unit. He was referring to the video we were watching where an Aboriginal man told of his experiences being part of the stolen generation. This Aboriginal man was sent to a missionary and told his parents didn’t want him, contrary to the truth, and later on battled with binge drinking and illicit drugs, overdosing twice. The tutor then linked this to people needing to be loved and cared for. He told us that alcohol and drug use are forms of self harm and self medication, and that suicide is the leading cause of death amongst the under 35.
Related to this is what came up in my most recent psychologist appointment. We spoke of the one year mark since my first ED admission following an overdose, and the difficult feelings that came up with it. “So what keeps you here now?” she asked me. I answered that knew I had commitments. My Uni course. Fieldwork at the hospital. A workshop for a youth organisation I volunteer for. She enquired as to whether there is anyone in my life that kept me anchored here. “Umm…not really…” I replied. I don’t know whether it’s that I’m selfish, or whether I just lack the vision to see this, but I don’t feel a true connection to..well…anybody. So I don’t think of the impact on others if I want to die because I don’t think it will impact people all that much. I know my mother, my grandparents and my aunt love me. But while there’s love, there’s no real connection. I have friends, but no real close friends I catch up with regularly and can talk to about everything. Boyfriends? Non-existent. I’m twenty in a little over a month and I’ve never even been on a date, let alone had a boyfriend.
This same issue keeps cropping up, the social isolation, that sense that I’m alone in the world and no one understands me. I don’t know how this is ever going to change. And if it doesn’t change, well… I’m not that strong and others before me haven’t survived. The tutor I had today isn’t pulling this stuff out of thin air, he has a Masters in Counselling and works in the field.
You’ve got us… Sorry, I know that’s not the same. I can completely relate to what you’re saying. Even though I have a boyfriend who loves me (I think), I still don’t feel there’s anyone particular keeping me going. I suppose if you can keep going for stuff, that’s a start and hopefully eventually you’ll meet someone special
Oh, and I didn’t go on a date until I was more than 20 either!
I feel the same way, no connection no regrets. I feel alone too, reading peoples blogs has helped somewhat, I really wish I had some of these people in my real life 24/7. I hope someone comes along to stick around for whether it be friend, mentor, boyfriend, whatever… good luck
I think there is a truth in what your tutor says – but surely only upto a point. The Aboriginal man in the example was probably grappling with bigger problems than not having a warm loving relationship in adult life – (apparently) losing your parents in early life is definitely one of the big bad markers for later life. But people vary a lot in the amount of love and companionship they need at different times in their life. There are many single older people who are mentally very healthy, just as conversely there are plenty of suicides who leave spouses and families. In fact, being in the wrong relationship can be incredibly lonely. In the long run it probably is social networks – family, work, friends – that give us the best shot at being balanced. Oh yes, and the best chance of meeting someone too.
But I think when you’re going on 20 it is also completely natural to want that one central relationship. It is the time in your life when you want to form a strong bond with someone, and it is normal to feel that your life won’t be right otherwise. It is really hard to feel connected to society and the world when you are a young woman. But probably the most important person you can ever have in your life is yourself, you know.
Hope you don’t mind me speaking my mind: sorry if you disagree.
when i was in the hospital they asked me everyday what i had to live for and everyday I told them I didn’t know… I had no connections to anyone or anything. I still feel similar, withdrawn and alone and like you i don’t know how to change that but for now i just try to take solace in the fact that i’m here.
In some ways, isn’t having the online MH community having someone? No, we can’t physically take the bottle of pills out of your hand or give you a hug. But we ARE a community. And for me, I’m certain the people I know through online eating disorder communities are far more supportive than the roommates and friends who see me face to face every day.
I know it might not mean heaps, but I believe in you, and you can talk to me anytime if you want okay?
x
Ditto what scarlett and ana said. I didn’t go on a date til after my 20th birthday either! x
“If you don’t have someone who believes in you, you’re not going to be on this earth very long. So tell me you all have someone in your life so that you’re in for the long haul?”
I love this… ]
xxx