After all these years of self harming, all this time connecting with people online who self harm and volunteering with youth mental health organisations, it shouldn’t surprise me really. But sometimes it still does when I discover a fellow self harmer, someone who I wouldn’t expect to be cutting themselves.
I attended a community family music concert & market day aimed at promoting mental health yesterday afternoon. I was helping out with the hs (the national youth mental health initiative I volunteer with) stall and we were one amongst many mental health organisations present at this event.
I was talking to one of the girls who also volunteers with hs. She questioned as to how I got into being a volunteer for RO, the web based youth mental health service I also volunteer with. I replied that I had utilised the service myself when I was going through a tough time, and it’s because of my own mental health issues that I want to give back to these organisations and help others. It was then she revealed the white shirt she was wearing under our hs shirts was to cover up her scars. That’s not the story I got earlier in the day when I enquired as to why she was wearing an under-layer in this ridiculously hot weather, 30 over degrees in what’s meant to be autumn. Upon this revelation, I shared with her that I also have scars, just not on my arms. Which is why you will never see me in less-than-knee-length shorts.
I would have never picked her as someone who self harms. To be honest, she’s a bit too loquacious and confident for me. I’m not the only one to think so either. During our hs meeting, she was rather forthcoming with questions, comments and conversation. At a later date, I said to a friend, “She’s quite…out there.” “That’s one way to put it!” my friend remarked. “In the meeting it was just like, shut up!” she added.
I suppose I’m quite the opposite of that. I’m quiet, reserved and hesitant about voicing my thoughts and opinions. I haven’t met all that many people in real life who, to my knowledge, self harms. I guess it’s served as a reminder that it’s not always easy to tell at all if someone has issues, someone’s self harming, someone’s struggling with a mental illness.
On a side note, it’s so wonderful to see an event promoting mental health and mental health services out in the community. I left with a bag full of pamphlets, flyers and information booklets from many types of mental health services; beyondblue, a mental health consumers organisation, mental illness support groups, carers respite programs, Samaritans crisis line, amongst others.
You make a great point. I think we–I mean I–judge people based on how they look on the outside and compare to how I feel on the inside. I have know way of knowing the other persons’ inner experience or what’s hidden behind their long sleeves. I do think we all self-harm in our own ways, though. Some methods are just more dangerous/evident than others.
It’s always so enlightening when I hear about someone who I usually think of as being confident and outgoing, and yet they suffer from social anxiety and/or depression too. I think it would be easier if we all just had to display our weaknesses on the outside, like a name tag or something.
Wow. I need to proofread before sending. Sorry!
if i didn’t have such obvious scars (i’m scarred all over, hands etc hard to hide) i doubt people would ever guess that i self harm. i put on a very good front to strangers. it’s my self defence.
I’m the same, my hands are scarred so it’s obvious i self harm, but i come across as very confident and happy, which is odd because it’s the very oppposite of how I feel.
I can relate to that. I, too, have scars on my hands, and people sometimes ask whether I *used to* self-harm, but they never guess that I still do it unless I tell them.
I always get a start when I see a person openly showing their scars. During my CBT class, I saw two girls one that has severe scars and one that has minor ones, more like the ones I do these ays as opposed to the ones years ago that always need sutures. I always get so curious about them. My scars are always visible because they are on my arms. I actually self harmed on friday and I was so scared that Andy was going to leave me, but he didn’t, he is too nice to me. Most of my scars are really old and are white now but I now have one that won’t be for a long while. The good thing is that I self harmed last 11 months ago, so at least there is a long time between them and before that it was 3 years. I wish I could get that again. Well done for doing all the mental health stuff for others. That is awesome.
*hugs*
Sarah
Appreciate your post and the honesty. Interesting information on SH. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.
I’ve never known anyone IRL that self harms. I have been caught off guard by some bloggers who didn’t put up sufficiently bold warnings and I’ve seen some disgustingly nasty cuts. It would be nice to know someone but sort of creepy at the same time.
I really like this post. I like your point about recognizing someone who has mental health problems. For the vast majority of mental illnesses there is no visible manifestation (especially if you use a long-sleeved shirt or long shorts to cover it up). But the people who are suffering in silence deserve as much help as the people who are clearly psychotic, for example. This is actually something that my eating disorder did for me– it was a way of showing people how badly I was (am?) suffering. And to be honest, it’s hard to give that up.
Okay, now I’m rambling. But my point is: good post!
Wishing you well,
NOS
One thing I’ve learned since developing my mental illness is that it has many faces. I don’t think any one would guess about my self harm. I refuse to talk about it even with my therapist. I hope to overcome my silence about it someday. Reading a post like this shows me that it’s possible.
I am a past SHer I have only done it twice in the last two years though. Not a lot of people would know that about me, I am not gonna do into details at this stage. I know a few people IRL that do also, or have, some people are very open about showing the scars and cuts but some are ashamed until they know its ok to talk about.
Hi
Just wanted to say Hi as you instructed via email
Hoping you are having a wonderful day
Regards
Edwina
I really appreciated this post. You make some very good points and i like that you did this so honestly. Subscribed
xx
ps- can i pop you on my blogroll? <3 xx
Of course you can! xx